Six Stupid Bikes.
Bike: The “HyperBike” (by Body Rite Ltd)
Origins: The geniuses at Body Rite Ltd. woke up one morning and realized that people don’t look nearly retarded enough while riding bikes.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “Am I completely bat-shit insane or an engineering grad student? You decide.”
Why It’s Stupid: Similarities to a fictional vehicle from South Park aside, the HyperBike looks like it was designed by someone who traveled to the future, discovered the future is gay, then came and decided to do everything they could to hasten its arrival.
Bike: The Sideways Bike
Origins: Some guy decided he was sick of having his body facing the direction he was traveling while riding his bike.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “Hey, look at me! I’m riding a weird bike!”
Why It’s Stupid: If you have to ask, you’ll never know.
Bike: The Bus Of Eindhoven
Origins: If you can do something, you definitely should. And if that something involves building a 32-bike “bus” on a truck chassis for the express purpose of lugging some engineering students to a brewery and back, so be it. Get to work.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I am in Europe.”
Why It’s Stupid: This is so retarded it’s actually kind of cool.
Bike: The Rowingbike
Origins: Unlike on a traditional bicycle, the Rowingbike uses every muscle in your body – even your Lookingus Likeoid A Douchbagialis Maximus.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I look like an asshole, but I’m going to live for 500 years.”
Why It’s Stupid: Because sure, you’re getting the ultimate exercise and strengthening every part of your body and everything, but what’s the point? To extend your lifespan so everyone can continue to laugh at you riding that stupid little bike of yours?
Bike: The Conference Bike
Origins: Sometimes office morale is down. And when office morale is down, you can bet your behind that office productivity is down, too.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I am participating in a team-building exercise.”
Why It’s Stupid: It’s not stupid at all! The ability to work together to achieve a common goal is unbelievably important in an office environment, and team-building exercises on a corporate retreat can be a fantastic way to practice! Remember: the office that plays together stays together! You do want your office to stay together, don’t you?!
Bike: Choppers
Origins: Fuck your fascist joke formats – there ain’t no origins for choppers, man. They grew out of the muck, out of the trash as, like, a response to the runoff, the byproducts of the urbanized lifestyle we’re forced to live every single day.
Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I reject conventions.”
Why It’s Stupid: Because the same kids who make them also make tall bikes, which are more or less an insult to Darwinian evolution.
Six Failed Palindromes.
Tuesday March 13th 2007, 11:18 am
Filed under:
stupidity– A Man, A Can, A Plan – Alpa Naca Nama.
– Sally Broke A Dish? Sid A Ekorb Yllas!
– Re Wohseht Nide Tra. Farted In The Shower.
– Try Eating Poison, You! Oy Nosi Op Gnita Eyrt!
– Palindromes Are Hard. Rahara semord nilap.
– I’ll Never Do This Again. I Aga. Siht Od. Reven. Lli.
Own A Filthy & Disgusting Piece Of History.
Whether you are an avid collector of sex scandal memorabilia or just a regular guy in need of a used massage table, you’re going to have a hell of a time passing up this eBay auction. The fact that Mike Jones will autograph the table on request is the icing on the cake – particularly if you collect male homosexual prostitute autographs. Which you know you do.
Reminded me of an awesome article in Harpers that I read a while back.
(via bb)
Video Roundup.
Pickle Surprise by Tom Rubnitz
this makes me very uncomfortable.
Don’s Guns
what’s with the skeletor laugh at the end there?
The Most Awkward Boy In The World Rides An Elevator
this is dumb, but it made me laugh for some reason.
How Not To Exit A Parking Garage
what the hell was he even trying to do?
Flakes
laz rojas asplodes my brain.
Emo News Report
“a fashion that’s turned deadly.”
Karen Black and L7 perform “Bang Bang”
it’s weird that this exists.
David Shrigley – After You’re Dead
cuz david shrigley rules.
Dating Losers
who WOULDN’T date bbq lou?!
Samwell “What What (In The Butt)”
this is the gayest music video since “Soccer Practice”
Dialogue Spoken To My Character In The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess Last Night At A Small Cafe In Castle Town That Made Me Think “Wow, Maybe I Should Stop Playing Video Games.”
Friday March 09th 2007, 11:04 am
Filed under:
video games– “You, too, should visit the fortune-teller like she says. That’s just so much fun!”
– “If you want to get to the bar, use the southern thoroughfare. Swordsmen like yourself tend to gather there.”
– “The entrance to the viewing platform is on the side of this cafe. I heard that Gorons have been selling their wares there lately. ”
– “People who have a lot of leisure time make better, more sincere listeners than those who are busily scurrying about. The more relaxed a person is, the nicer he or she becomes, that’s what I’ve found.”
– “Oh, sightseeing? Or on business?”
Things That Used To Rule: My Neighborhood.
36 years ago there was an epic karate battle 3 blocks away from my current apartment. The man responsible was Count Dante, the self-proclaimed “Deadliest Man Alive.” So frickin’ sweet. Too bad the dojo where it happened is now something called the Total Body Wellness Center, which is significantly less cool than the Black Cobra Hall of Kung Fu. I’m also pretty sure that whatever happens there now (yoga? acupuncture?) is significantly less cool than a bunch of black-belt karate experts raiding a rival dojo and ending up “stabbed in the chest with a saber.” Sigh. My neighborhood used to rule, apparently.
“I Swung Him. I Swung Him Like A Bat.”
Thursday March 08th 2007, 11:35 am
Filed under:
newsI’m not touching this one with a ten-footer. No sir… not gonna bite. Not saying a word about it. Nothing funny about it. Nothing at all. That’s pretty much straight-up child abuse, swinging a baby like a bat. And child abuse isn’t funny. Nope. Nothing funny about swinging a baby like a bat. Nothing funny about that at all.
