Bike: The “HyperBike” (by Body Rite Ltd)

Origins: The geniuses at Body Rite Ltd. woke up one morning and realized that people don’t look nearly retarded enough while riding bikes.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “Am I completely bat-shit insane or an engineering grad student? You decide.”

Why It’s Stupid: Similarities to a fictional vehicle from South Park aside, the HyperBike looks like it was designed by someone who traveled to the future, discovered the future is gay, then came and decided to do everything they could to hasten its arrival.

Bike: The Sideways Bike

Origins: Some guy decided he was sick of having his body facing the direction he was traveling while riding his bike.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “Hey, look at me! I’m riding a weird bike!”

Why It’s Stupid: If you have to ask, you’ll never know.

Bike: The Bus Of Eindhoven

Origins: If you can do something, you definitely should. And if that something involves building a 32-bike “bus” on a truck chassis for the express purpose of lugging some engineering students to a brewery and back, so be it. Get to work.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I am in Europe.”

Why It’s Stupid: This is so retarded it’s actually kind of cool.

Bike: The Rowingbike

Origins: Unlike on a traditional bicycle, the Rowingbike uses every muscle in your body – even your Lookingus Likeoid A Douchbagialis Maximus.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I look like an asshole, but I’m going to live for 500 years.”

Why It’s Stupid: Because sure, you’re getting the ultimate exercise and strengthening every part of your body and everything, but what’s the point? To extend your lifespan so everyone can continue to laugh at you riding that stupid little bike of yours?

Bike: The Conference Bike

Origins: Sometimes office morale is down. And when office morale is down, you can bet your behind that office productivity is down, too.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I am participating in a team-building exercise.”

Why It’s Stupid: It’s not stupid at all! The ability to work together to achieve a common goal is unbelievably important in an office environment, and team-building exercises on a corporate retreat can be a fantastic way to practice! Remember: the office that plays together stays together! You do want your office to stay together, don’t you?!

Bike: Choppers

Origins: Fuck your fascist joke formats – there ain’t no origins for choppers, man. They grew out of the muck, out of the trash as, like, a response to the runoff, the byproducts of the urbanized lifestyle we’re forced to live every single day.

Message That Riding It Sends To The World: “I reject conventions.”

Why It’s Stupid: Because the same kids who make them also make tall bikes, which are more or less an insult to Darwinian evolution.