As you’ve probably noticed, things have been awful quiet around these parts. I took a little break in late August that I couldn’t bring myself to end, but then I got an interesting offer: blogging on a regular basis for the recently-redesigned Cracked.com. Part of that redesign includes a new group blog, and I’ll be writing there Monday through Friday for the foreseeable future.

So what about Hypocritical Mass? I think that for the time being, HM is going to be a place for things that don’t fit in at the Cracked Blog. Open letters to abstract concepts, obituaries for people I’ve never heard of, interviews with lunatics… all that good stuff.

I’ll admit it, though: My schedule is not going to let me post here anywhere close to daily. There will definitely be new posts to look out for, though, so be sure to check back occasionally. In the meantime, go check out the Cracked Blog, leave lots of comments and click on all of the banner ads. You’ll probably win a free iPod!

(edit: apparently the direct link to the Cracked Blog doesn’t work. Just click “Blog” on the error page until they get that fixed.)

I am choosing to break weeks of silence for what I feel is a noble cause: to show you quite possibly the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Last Friday when I was waiting at Taco Bell for my chalupas, I noticed something back in the kitchen on top of the nacho station. I had an idea of what it was but couldn’t really believe what I was seeing. I was going to ask one of the employees about it, but there were people waiting in line behind me and I didn’t want to make a big scene. I figured I’d be able to find a picture of it on the internet, but guess what? Multiple searches on Google Images and Flickr turned up absolutely zilch.

I knew then what I had to do: return to Taco Bell the following Monday with a digital camera. Here is the result:

Do you see that thing on top of the “nacho hutch” (my term)? Right in the center? Here’s a closer look:

Uhh… yeah. You’ve heard of the Visible Man before?

That is a Visible Taco.

So many questions! For starters, what about every other item on the menu, almost all of which are more complicated? What about the Grilled Stuft Burrito? What about Nachos Bellgrande? What about Mexican Pizza?! The Visible Taco is a good place to start, but on its own its completely worthless.

Seriously, though – can somebody please tell me why this exists?

R. Kelly – Trapped In The Closet: Chapter 13-22 Preview
there’s gonna be a helicopter involved somehow. holy crap.

Batman Commercial
holy act of congress!

The Two Coreys: “Friends? Best Friends!”
that is unbelievably depressing.

Frankie & Johnnie’s Furniture Commercial
i say i say i say, this fucking rules.

Weatherman With A Green Tie
heh.

Andy Kaufman On FRIDAYS
read this background info first. so sweet.

Let Me Eat Some Corn!
that cat is totally eating corn! nom nom nom!

Bentley Green – “Hey Mama”
this kid is gonna get laid when he’s like 7.

Crazy Calls Answering Machine Tape TV Ad
how zany!

The Duct Tape Bandit
this has “viral” written all over it.

Rosie O’Donnell Acting Retarded
oldie but goodie.

Bearforce 1
“the first real ‘bearband’ of the world.” whoaaaaa.

“Comments On Last Night’s Orgy” is up on Yankee Pot Roast today.

Also, it’s my birthday today. Double-whammy!

The first episode of the brand-new Save It For The Podcast podcast (p-p-p-p-PODCAST!) is available for streaming and direct download.

(direct download)

An incomplete list of the topics discussed includes:

– What sucks in Singapore?
– If given the choice, which would you do: give your dad a handjob or murder him?
– What to do when your mom gets a breast reduction
– What gay people do
– KKK vs. Terrorists: Who’s tougher?
– Judging a book its cover
– Ironic T-shirts

And just for your reference, the book cover in question is this one:

Enjoy, and feel free to send questions, comments, glowing praise and/or death threats to ross [at] hypocriticalmass.org.

If so, you probably won’t think this is funny.

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when Chicago was the meat capital of the world. Those days are over, but there are still a few stragglers around if you know where to look for them.

Yesterday we were hanging out at a bar, minding our own business, when we noticed a guy in the corner wearing a butcher’s outfit with a huge package of sausages tucked under his arm. He went around the bar from table to table, asking if people wanted any meat. It sort of seemed like some kind of weird performance art for a minute, but we soon realized the guy was dead serious and had a refrigerated truck parked outside. Some drunk guy held a bag over his head and started chanting “20 DOLLARS OF MEAT!” Within a half hour we had 20 bucks out on the table, and a few minutes after that it was gone, replaced by – surprise, surprise – a huge bag of meat.

There was also a menu in the bag, which I’d like to share with you. Of the 48 products listed below, 20 contain references to buttholes. Also of note: “Hot And Creamy Sex Candles,” a Monica Lewinsky joke, and something called “GI Joe’s Candyass Salsa Whoopass Wimpy!” Oh – and a “Sausage Emergency Number.” Ya’ll ready for this?

Brain asploded.

Apologies for the lousy headline, but I was so excited to get a link up to these pictures of Terminators boning each other that I just couldn’t help myself.

Many more here. The binary code under the photos contains secret messages, too (if you’re bored enough to convert it).

(via geekologie)

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