Kenneth Eng (aka “God of the Universe”) is at it again! It goes without saying that the guy is a total moron, but this interview is kind of awesome.

(Thanks, Justin!)

(previously)

PROP

Miss America’s Crown

WHY IT’S FUNNY

Tara Elizabeth Conner, Miss USA 2006, was involved in a scandal where she was caught drinking underage and using cocaine. Carrot Top, assuming that the audience is aware of this scandal, implies that the Miss America crown should be made out of alcoholic beverages and, hence, makes a joke of a topical nature.

PROP

Viagra Putter

WHY IT’S FUNNY

Viagra (Sildenafil Citrate) is a drug used to treat male erectile dysfunction. Carrot Top has created a golf club with a large indentation in its shaft to accommodate the erections that the drug causes. While Viagra jokes may be dated, erection jokes are timeless, although why someone would take Viagra while playing a round of golf remains unknown.

PROP

Barry Bonds’ Baseball Bat

WHY IT’S FUNNY

Barry Bonds is trying to achieve the all-time home run record, but has also been accused of using performance-enhancing drugs. By putting these two aspects of Bonds’ career together in the form of a baseball bat filled with steroids, Carrot Top has created a joke.

PROP

Willy Nelson’s Tour Bus

WHY IT’S FUNNY

On September 18, 2006, a Louisiana police search of his tour bus uncovered 1.5 pounds of marijuana and 0.2 pounds of psychedelic mushrooms. Carrot Top’s model of Nelson’s bus produces copious amounts of smoke that trail out of the back of the bus, which reminds people of the incident in a comical fashion.

PROP

A Hat That Allows You To Watch Nascar When Your Cable Goes Out

WHY IT’S FUNNY

Nascar is regarded by many as a dull and repetitious sport. With this in mind, Carrot Top has created a hat that features toy cars spinning around the wearer’s head. It is implied that this could recreate the experience of watching a Nascar race – a funny notion to say the least.

PROP

A Hat & Beard That Will Make You Look Like A Terrorist So That You Can Get A Seat To Yourself On An Airplane.

WHY IT’S FUNNY

After terrorists hijacked two planes and crashed them into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, people have been very nervous about flying on airplanes. Particularly so around Arab people. This hat & beard will make you look like an Arab, so people will not want to sit near you on the plane for fear that you will martyr yourself and kill them in the process. As an added bonus, the beard conceals a medicine cabinet for some reason.

Check out the last adjustment in the list.

What if part of your income comes from persecuting people as a Nazi? Do you get a deduction for that? Do they charge you MORE taxes? What if you had Nazi business expenses in 2006? Any accountants out there?

(note: I have no category for nazis or taxes, and I’m sure as hell not creating one since I will hopefully never post anything about either of those topics ever again. As such, I have filed this under “unicorns.”)

If this happened to me I would be really pissed. Then terrified. Then pissed again.

Video here.

I decided to look up some information about slime moulds. It turns out that, in addition to being fascinating protists, they are also “gay homos.”

Does the scientific community know about this yet?

(jpg for posterity’s sake)

The Movie: Skyscraper
The Star: Anna Nicole Smith
The Outtakes: Awesome

11:44 pm

The idea that Anna Nicole Smith could ever pilot a helicopter is completely fucking preposterous.

11:46 pm

I wonder who the hottest female helicopter pilot of all time was in real life?

11:47 pm

Apparently Anna Nicole was an Associate Producer on this movie. Is that why it exists?

11:50 pm

Is there a “D” list? Are these “D” list actors? When do they stop being “actors” on a “list” and start just being “dudes”? At any rate, there are a lot of explosions going on right now.

11:52 pm

Why are uzis always the “bad guy” guns? Just once I’d like to see a movie where the good guys get the uzis.

11:53 pm

So far the action sequences in this movie have been disappointingly good.

11:55 pm

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have bare Anna Nicole tits! Over!

11:56 pm

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have really awkward simulated sex! Over!

12:01 am

Basic plot so far: Anna Nicole is a helicopter pilot, and her cop boyfriend doesn’t want to have a baby. Also, there are all these other guys with bazookas and uzis who are killing each other and blowing up each others’ cars over a briefcase full of something important. Also, Anna Nicole Smith has ridiculously huge tits.

12:07 am

I’m pretty sure most of the actors in this movie have also been in pornos.

12:11 am

Someone add this to the “Memorable Quotes” section of Skyscraper’s IMDB page: “I’m gonna shove your teeth so far down your skinny little throat you’ll be shitting molars for a month!”

12:15 am

Two people have already fallen off of buildings. Maybe that’s why they called it Skyscraper.

12:17 am

Yet another quote for the IMDB page: “Don’t move, or I’ll put a bullet up your ass so far you’ll be pissing out your nose!”

12:24 am

Do terrorists always wear leather pants?

12:35 am

This movie sucks.

12:40 am

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have Anna Nicole tits! Over!

12:41 am

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have really awkward simulated sex! Over!

12:56 am

This movie did NOT need a Shakespeare-quoting villain. It was already plenty smart.

12:59 am

When in doubt, throw in some more bazookas.

1:14 am

Despite all the snarky comments, I’ve gotta hand it to the people who made this film – it’s definitely about an hour and a half long and it totally has lines of dialogue.

1:18 am

Those credits mean I get to go to bed now, right?

Pop quiz.

You’re a brilliant physicist at some goofy university when all of a sudden you come to the crushing conclusion that you are sick of academia. What do you do?

If you’re Theo Jansen, you hunker down and get to work on “creating a new life-form.” You call them “Beach Animals.” Then you put one on the internet, and a bunch of people way less smart than you are link to it. Then all of their brains asplode.

Be sure to watch the video at the bottom of the thing walking. Then please tell me what the hell it is.

(link – via your daily awesome)

A few weeks ago I went to a mall and asked a bunch of people what they would wish for if they had three wishes. Here’s a bit of the audio I collected, edited together and set to thought-provoking instrumental music. Because that’s what you’re supposed to set things like this to… right?

Thumbelina is the world’s smallest horse. I don’t know what else to say about her.

(via smallist – a blog dedicated to all things small)

(edit: Thumbelina has her own website!)

Fargo In 5 Seconds
the dude who made this made a ton of ’em. they’re all kinda sweet.

Giant Robot Dinosaurs
slow moving awkward robotic dinosaurs make me terrified and slightly uncomfortable.

Dancing Baby Elephant plays harmonica
pure unadulterated internet.

I Heart Huckabees Lily Tomlin/David O. Russell Fight
dude is pissed.

50/50
50 people singing 50 cent. yowza.

Sand Castle Explosions Backwards
this is epic.

Chaccaron
this is retarded.

Bjork – Triumph of a Heart
kablooie your brain blow ahp.