You call this majesty? Is this the best you can do, nature? I know, I know – people are supposed to be really blown away by rainbows. Hell – this one’s a double rainbow. What am I supposed to do, though? Pull over to the side of the road and think about God? Who should I blame that I don’t? The Skittles Corporation? Shall I shed a single teardrop for the commodification of nature’s splendor? Sorry, rainbow. No dice. I’ll admit that it was a nice change of pace to see these while I was stuck in traffic the other day, but it only lasted about two seconds. Then I realized I was still stuck in traffic and the rainbow wasn’t going to help matters at all. Not even a double rainbow can fix rush hour on I-94. You know why? Because rainbows don’t do anything. They just sit there, refracting light like I’m supposed to give a shit. They’re obeying the laws of physics. Hey, check me out – when I drop this object it falls and hits the ground. Do you find that to be as amazing as an enormous, beautiful rainbow? No? Huh. It’s actually kind of impressive that even though rainbows have every single color there is, they still manage to totally suck.