Following last Friday’s ridiculous Britney Spears meltdown (and her subsequent rehab check-in), eBay has been blowing up with listings of people claiming to have locks (even just a few strands) of Britney’s hair for sale. The stories some of these people are telling to explain how they came to possess such an important, maybe even priceless bit of pop culture history seem a little far-fetched to me, even impossible in some cases. Regardless, some of the auctions prices are skyrocketing by the hour (and then being promptly removed by eBay – in the course of writing this, the auction I was going to use for the “skyrocketing by the hour” link has already been pulled down, which means the rest of the links I’ve already managed to cram in here are probably all gone already, too). It’s kind of unfair: not all of us can afford to spend our hard-earned cash to acquire hair that may or may not have actually once been attached to a celebrity. That’s why I’ve decided to selflessly martyr myself, to throw myself onto the sacrificial altar.

I am selling my hair on eBay.

(edit: Apparently, I’m not actually selling my hair on eBay. I posted this earlier in the week, but within a few hours eBay pulled the auction for “keyword spamming” – apparently when you put an auction up on eBay you’re not allowed to describe what the item ISN’T. For example, if you are selling the hair clippings from your next haircut you can’t describe it as “Humor Blogger’s Hair Clippings (Not Britney Spears) NR.” That will get your auction pulled. When I saw the auction had been taken down I deleted this post since, you know, that was kind of the whole point. Luckily, Google managed to cache the auction within those few short hours that it was actually up, so for posterity’s sake I’d like to link to it again. Because this is important. Really, really important.)