Buzz Aldrin. Neil Armstrong. John Glenn. You already know and love these brave astronauts, but now it’s time to toss yet another hero onto the pile. Here’s looking at you, Lisa Nowak. Welcome to the space party.

Blame the failure of the NASA program – nobody’s really stomping around in space very much anymore, leaving these astronauts to wander around their hometowns bored and listless, longing for zero-gravity and that weird ice cream that you can only really get at movie theaters here on Earth (and considering the lack of quality films coming out these days compounded with rising ticket prices due to skyrocketing budgets and internet piracy, nobody really wants to go to the movies lately – not even astronauts). Under these circumstances, who could blame her for falling into a bitter love triangle with some other astronauts and then driving 950 miles in a diaper to kidnap (or possibly murder) her rival?

Take pity on Lisa Nowak, America. She was a victim of our times, a victim of love (not to mention an underfunded space program). An astronaut without a shuttle. Who among us can honestly say that under the same conditions they wouldn’t have driven from Houston to Orlando in a diaper with a BB gun, a steel mallet, a pair of black gloves, some pepper spray, rubber tubing, trash bags, and a 4-inch switchblade to try to spice things up a little?

Not you? Well fine. I wouldn’t have either, but astronauts don’t think like you or I. They think big.