I was stuck in traffic the other day and got a bit fed up with the radio. I was listening to NPR, a story about how obtaining building permits around New Orleans is a bureaucratic nightmare. That’s unbelievably boring, so I flipped down the dial to some college radio station that had a whole show dedicated to Inuit Throat-Singing. I’ve never been that into the Inuit Throat-Singing scene (the shows are too expensive and always really far away, usually in Alaska), so I kept flipping until… hey! I know this song! These words sound really familiar! This is bringing me back! Back to a special time, a magical time long, long ago! Let me bring you back with me. Let’s take a little trip back to the most bland and inoffensive chunk of… get ready it… are you ready yet?

We’re going all the way back to motherfucking 1998.

I want to put my tender
heart in a blender,
watch it spin around
to a beautiful oblivion.
Rendezvous
then I’m through with you.

So I’m driving in stop-and-go traffic and hey, great. Now I’m nauseous too. But then it hits me like a McDonalds bag full of unsold promotional CD singles: This version of “Inside Out” is not being performed by Eve 6. No. Someone else decided it would be a really good idea to cover it. They practiced it a whole bunch, and then they brought all their gear into a studio and recorded it. Then they dragged all their gear back to the practice space, practiced it some more, and then they dragged all their gear to a venue and performed it in front of a bunch of people. Then some radio station guys were like “Fuck yeah.. what’s it been? 8 years?” and then they hit a button which sent a cover version of Eve 6’s “Inside Out” over the airwaves and out to millions and millions of people.

That rules. Too bad the song sucks.

[note: since I wrote this, I tried to look up who in the name of god decided to record a version of this abysmal song, but I couldn’t find anything about it. Maybe carbon monoxide was leaking into my car or something… or maybe (more likely) it was a live version. That made me kind of nervous. Was my rant all for naught?! YouTube to the rescue. For even if I did hear a live version by Eve 6, that still doesn’t erase these videos from the face of the earth:

Note the first comment on the last video, by misterdehn: “omg this is so bad. You should rename this video “a simple way to ruin a classic rock song.” Congrats, misterdehn. You win the Missed-The-Point Award.]