I don’t know about you guys, but I’m equally into EMO and HIP HOP (HIP-HOP), so when I read in the WIKIPEDIA entry for KELLY CLARKSON that the AMERICAN IDOL star would be releasing some FREE MP3s, I didn’t even give a shit. Seriously – who cares about FREE DOWNLOADS if it’s some shitty music that isn’t even EMO or HIP HOP (HIP-HOP)? Offer me all the FREE FILE DOWNLOADS in the world, but unless they’re PICS OF BRITNEY SPEARS NAKED, a VIDEO OF NAKED BRITNEY SPEARS, NAKED PICTURES BRITNEY SPEARS FUCKING, the PARIS HILTON VIDEO, or the PAMELA ANDERSON VIDEO (you know: the one with PAMELA AND TOMMY (you know: PAMELA ANDERSON AND TOMMY LEE) ON THEIR HONEYMOON PAMELA TOMMY FUCKING HONEYMOON VIDEO), I’m not interested. A FREE KELLY CLARKSON MP3? C’mon. I wouldn’t put that on my IPOD even if my BRAND NEW COLOR IPOD was a FREE BRAND NEW COLOR IPOD.

Forget about BRITNEY NAKED and PARIS FUCKING and FREE KELLY CLARKSON MP3s for your IPOD anyway. Between the WAR IN IRAQ, the latest HURRICANE disaster, and what’s going on in ISRAEL, IRAN, SYRIA, PALESTINE, and NORTH KOREA we really have bigger things to worry about, you know? Why are we spending so much time worrying about BRAD PITT, ANGELINA JOLIE, OPRAH, JOHNNY DEPP, EMINEM, 50 CENT, SHAKIRA, and MICHAEL JACKSON with all the problems in the world? GEORGE BUSH IS STUPID. GEORGE BUSH IS AN IDIOT. He lied about the WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION as an excuse to INVADE IRAQ, and now look where it got us? GEORGE W BUSH IS A STUPID IDIOT! GEORGE W BUSH SUCKS!

GEORGE BUSH RULES GEORGE W BUSH RULES GEORGE BUSH IS AWESOME GEORGE W BUSH IS AWESOME.

What I’m trying to say is this: We need to spend a little less time time watching THE SIMPSONS and SOUTH PARK (and LOST, and PRISON BREAK and SMALLVILLE and GREY’S ANATOMY and FAMILY GUY and DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and HOUSE and NIP/TUCK and AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL), DOWNLOADING RINGTONES (even if they’re FREE RINGTONES AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD), playing ONLINE POKER to win FREE MONEY, and compulsively refreshing our MYSPACE profiles, even if they’re TOTALLY PIMPED-OUT (the same goes for FACEBOOK and FRIENDSTER profiles, too). We need to spend less time thinking about NO INTEREST LOANS, LOW MORTGAGE RATES, and CREDIT CARDS WITH 0% APR. TOTALLY FREE MONEY? There’s no such thing, my friend.

FREE CIALIS? That’s another story.

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