“Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have sat in a reserved seat. Now there’s an old lady getting on the bus and I’m totally gonna have to give up my seat, even though I’m used to sitting. I should have just stood the whole time. That wouldn’t have been as bad as having to get up. Ah, well. Here we go. Hup! Ahhh, yeah. Stretch those hammies. Get the blood flowin’. You know somethin, Wolinsky? You’re a good guy. You give up seats for the elderly. That’s noble, buddy. You are really something. That old woman is gonna tear up when she sees that kindness still exists, even in this day and – hey! Is that girl seriously taking my seat? Holy fucking shit! She did! She’s probably even younger than I am! What the fuck?! I’ve been at work all day and she’s been, what? Oooh – Whole Foods bags. Yeah, awww. I’m sorry you’re so worn out from picking out organic kale that you need to sit down… in a RESERVED SEAT. While that OLD WOMAN over there clearly needs… oh. Okay. Some other guy got up for her. At least she’s got a seat now, I guess. Fuck. I should just say something to her. I should say ‘Hey… you know, actually, I got up out of that seat so that old lady could sit down.’ Then she’d say ‘Well it looks like she already found a seat.’ Then I’d be completely speechless because, well, wow. She’s really cute. What is that tattoo, anyway? Is that a band logo? And those sunglasses… wow. They’re so BIG. I should go grab the old woman, drag her out of her seat, bring her back over to mine, tell the hot hipster chick to get up, and then physically force the old woman into my seat. She’d like that. Then the hipster chick would totally swoon cuz I’m so nice and she’d give me her phone number but I’d be like “Sorry, I actually already have a girlfriend” and then she’d dump her tits and I’d be like “Jesus Christ… you don’t have to do that. You should respect yourself,” and everyone would applaud. Ah, shit. Is it really my stop already? Ah well. You know what? My inability to confront hot girls when they’re doing something fucked up kind of sucks, but it’s not nearly as bad as having to stand on the bus.