People talk a lot about how America is about to be unseated as the dominant global superpower, citing the falling value of the American dollar, our dependence on foreign oil, an ever-rising deficit and a crumbling Social Security system, but you know what? You don’t have to pay any attention to any of that. All you have to do is look at Kobayashi and you’ll know we’re fucked. Seriously. The guy has won the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest for the past six years. In 2001, when he first entered the contest, he ate 50 hot dogs in 20 minutes. You know what the record was before that? 25. This year, in 2006, he ate 53 3/4. FOX had this show called Man vs. Beast where Kobayashi was in a hot dog eating contest against an 1,100 pound Kodiak bear. He lost (duh—it’s a BEAR), but still. America’s been behind for a long time when it came to piddling crap like education and healthcare, but competitive eating? You’d think we’d still be a contender there. A Japanese dude winning a hot dog eating contest at Coney Island is like a Kenyan making the best apple pie in the entire world: totally fucked. So we’re all doomed, but still—Kobayashi rules.