Those clever little monkeys found a way around my gmail spam filter!  How did they do it?  Simple.  With the greatest subject line of all time.

Only close personal friends send emails with subject lines like this one.  This is some seriously cordial shit.  If the robot that sent me this email knew my cat’s name, it would’ve been in there.  This is the kind of spam that makes people weep.  It touches you personally, which is noteworthy because it’s not really coming from a person.  It comes from a robot.  That’s why it was so weird to get this spam message with the greatest subject line of all time.

“Hi… Squash-Vine Borer.”

How did that robot know that I routinely bore squash vines?  There must be some weird NSA conspiracy shit going on here, because I seriously bore squash vines all the fucking time.  Good call, robot.

That bit at the end though – you know… all that “fellow emigrant master key heart shell three-eared worm-tongued serpent moss metal-piercing lizard bronze soul-sapping land rail bull-horn” stuff – might have been a bit off, but hey, one for two ain’t bad.