The “izzle” phenomenon apparently dates back to the early 80s, when The Gap Band recorded a cover of a Frankie Smith song called “Double Dutch Bus.” It was then reintroduced by a guy called E-40 who influenced Snoop Dogg to add “izzle” to everything he said. It was then that “izzle” gained acceptance at suburban shopping malls across the country. Historically, this is super fascinating stuff. It’s important too because, you know, hip hop culture is, like, totally important and a purely American form of music or whatever, but all that glosses over the fact that “izzle” is one of the most obnoxious fucking trends on the face of the planet.  I passed four people on the street the other day who were on their way to lunch. One of them, an overweight white woman in a pair of black stretchy pants, called out to the other three. “Hey, guys! Wait for C-Jizzle!” Then she started laughing like she’d just said something really funny. Seriously. Though now relegated to the same tragically-lame folks who still raise the roof and feel sentimental about Eiffel 65 (you know – “I’m blue da-boo-dee-da-boo-dow), “izzle” just won’t die. People still add it to words and laugh like they made a joke. Like “Marcy’s cancer spread – she’s about to start chemo therapizzle!” You wanna know why adding “izzle” to that didn’t make it funny? Because “izzle” is not in and of itself a joke. It’s not even a word. I don’t know what it is. Maybe you could consider it a noise or something. I do know one thing, though: “izzle” totally fucking sucks.