I’ve been in some tight spots before, but it’s good to know I haven’t hit rock bottom yet. From Craigslist Missed Connections:

The guy who took a shit under my porch Saturday night – 32

Date: 2006-05-15, 5:45PM

I didn’t call the cops on you because I kinda felt bad for anybody who has to take shits in condo gangways, and you seemed pretty embarrassed when I called you on it. I didn’t see any need for the 14th district’s finest to beat you up for pooping on some yuppie’s doormat.

Sorry your life is so crap that you don’t have your own bathroom. I kind of feel for you, but maybe you could find someplace a little more private than our rather well-lit gangway for your next poo-poo break.

• this is in or around Humboldt Park

  no — it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests