I’m not sure what it is about novelties that I think is so awesome. Maybe it’s the fact that there is a whole industry dedicated to making fake versions of things we’d rather avoid in their real forms, but are willing to pay for when they’re plastic or rubber. Do people in other countries buy fake barf? What would people in third world countries make of it? How would you explain it to them? “Yeah, I COULD feed an entire family in your country for three dollars a month, but I could also buy fake barf. Yeah – fake barf! You’ve never seen it? Oh, man. You put it down on the table at, like, a party or a bowling alley or whatever, and when people see it – get this – when people see it, oh man! They think it’s real, actual barf! Yeah – barf! You know, like when your body rejects the food… you… eat. Nevermind.” Whatever. They say laughter is the best medicine, so maybe we should be shipping fake barf and poop and penis-shaped ice cube trays over to Iraq. It’s cheaper than real medicine and, let’s face it, medicine doesn’t liven up a party now does it? I guess what I’m trying to say is that novelties rule.

* There are two sections in the print version of my zine (What, you don’t own it already? Buy them all here) entitled “Things That Suck” and Things That Rule,” and I’ll be bringing them into the 21st century here from now on on a marginally regular basis. Big deal.