Last week I posted a video to this weird little website someone told me about called YouTube. I put up a video of a late night tv show just so I could link to it and call it stupid, but it turns out that this YouTube thing is pretty popular and people actually look at the videos posted there – even if they’re not linked to them from this site! Weird, huh? Today the video got its first comment, which made some very interesting points:

Luckily, just when I was thinking to myself “the internet is fucking retarded,” someone sent me a link to I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and now everything is back to normal.

I could also watch twittervision for days, even though I don’t understand it at all.

Whether you are an avid collector of sex scandal memorabilia or just a regular guy in need of a used massage table, you’re going to have a hell of a time passing up this eBay auction. The fact that Mike Jones will autograph the table on request is the icing on the cake – particularly if you collect male homosexual prostitute autographs. Which you know you do.

Reminded me of an awesome article in Harpers that I read a while back.

(via bb)

[gv data=”k-EVl7Z7bHY”][/gv]

Pickle Surprise by Tom Rubnitz
this makes me very uncomfortable.

Don’s Guns
what’s with the skeletor laugh at the end there?

The Most Awkward Boy In The World Rides An Elevator
this is dumb, but it made me laugh for some reason.

How Not To Exit A Parking Garage
what the hell was he even trying to do?

Flakes
laz rojas asplodes my brain.

Emo News Report
“a fashion that’s turned deadly.”

Karen Black and L7 perform “Bang Bang”
it’s weird that this exists.

David Shrigley – After You’re Dead
cuz david shrigley rules.

Dating Losers
who WOULDN’T date bbq lou?!

Samwell “What What (In The Butt)”
this is the gayest music video since “Soccer Practice”

36 years ago there was an epic karate battle 3 blocks away from my current apartment. The man responsible was Count Dante, the self-proclaimed “Deadliest Man Alive.” So frickin’ sweet. Too bad the dojo where it happened is now something called the Total Body Wellness Center, which is significantly less cool than the Black Cobra Hall of Kung Fu. I’m also pretty sure that whatever happens there now (yoga? acupuncture?) is significantly less cool than a bunch of black-belt karate experts raiding a rival dojo and ending up “stabbed in the chest with a saber.” Sigh. My neighborhood used to rule, apparently.

Dear Internet Perverts Who Continually Wind Up On My Website By Searching Google For Strange And Filthy Things,

I’m afraid there’s been some sort of misunderstanding. Although you have ended up on my website in the last month by searching for the following, I regret to inform you that I do not have any pictures or videos of:

– pamela and tommy fucking
– free nude pics johnny depp
– pussy plundering movies
– photoshop pussy brushes
– sexiest prostitute
– stupid maid porn
– hairy men
– japanese mass fucking video
– remote control wife bigger boobs
– big nigerian dick porn
– goldie hawn crotch shots
– huge naked tits free pics
– hot hipsters naked
– sexy notary
– honeymoon fucking
– photo fuking oldest man
– twentysomething girls porn blowjobs
– girls depantsed video
– tight pants condi
– big boobs bouncing in slow motion
– britney naked and desperate
– george w bush naked pics

Hopefully this will clear up some of the confusion. Oh – and if you find that “remote control wife bigger boobs” thing, let me know. I’d kind of like to see that.

I’m admittedly at least a week behind the rest of the internet in posting anything about Kenneth Eng, self-declared “Asian supremacist” and “God of the Universe.” Sure, his little column was bigoted and insensitive, but taken at face value that’s not really much of a story. What would I title the post? “Asian Guy Hates Blacks?” What a snoozer! I had the whole thing written off last week as a news blip, a sensational morsel in the sea of info insanity. Then I found out that he has an Amazon blog and once wrote a book called “Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate.” Suddenly, my interested was piqued. “Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate?” Really? Let me reiterate:

“Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate.”

Brain asploded.

Here’s a quote from his blog on the subject of religion:

“Let’s look at the muslim religion. They believe that music, dance, naked women and other such things are “indecent”. They think that some creature called “allah” will bring them peace, yadda, yadda, yadda. They think that if they bow every day, they will somehow be transported to a place called “heaven”, where everyone looks conspicuously human. I don’t know about you, but I masturbate all the time. It’s not going to affect me in any way, aside from making me need to take baths more often. And listening to O Fortuna will not make my head explode. Nor will spitting at every church I see make my intestines burst out of my abdomen.”

So now everyone is outraged, but I will forgive him for all of this because one of the dragons on the cover of his book is holding a gun. I like that.

I’m pretty sure that Dawn, Nanette and Lela are related to each other – they all look really similar. Maybe I should check out one of their FREE WEBCAMS and see if I can get any more information.

A while back, I “met” this “guy” Chet “The Triple Threat” Stevens. He was a “frat boy” who totally “went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.” He “exists.” Anyway, “he” told me his “story” and now it’s up on Cracked.com. Yeah.

So go “check it out.”

Kung Fu Baby
this is what the internet was made for.

Gospel Mime
just another mime spreading the word of god the only way she can – through mimery.

Paperboy – Ditty (Alternate Video)
i wonder why they didn’t use this one? weird.

The World’s Most Giant Killer Spider!!
kill it! ack!

Gong Show – Strange Act From 1976
can someone please tell me why this show ever got pulled off the air?

100 vs 1
this would be terrifying.

Oldboy “Eating Live Octopus” – Behind The Scenes
i don’t really have anything to say about this one.

Penn And Teller Get Hippies To Sign Petition Banning Water
hippies are stupid. zing!

Judge Judy 2-6-07
soooo pissed.