“What’s Attacking You” is up on Yankee Pot Roast today. Roll out the red carpet, bitches!

What do John Edwards, the FBI, the FAA, and Charlotte Hornets owner George Shinn have in common? Easy: they’re all in on a massive conspiracy to… umm… fly a helicopter 25 feet above this guy’s house. This YouTube video has rekindled my love affair with the internet. It first started making the rounds about two weeks ago (about a decade ago in internet time), but I figured I should probably post it in case anyone hasn’t seen it. Prepare to have your mind blown.

(link)

Heads up, sneaker fans: someone on eBay has a pair of replica McFlys from Back to the Future 2 up for auction (note: be sure to read the questions at the bottom). The current bid is $405. I tapped Al Cabino to let him know, thinking he would be excited. I’m not surprised that he already knew about it, but I guess I’m kind of surprised that he already had an official statement ready:

Official Response to the FAKE McFly Sneaker on eBay

“Sneakers are born to be worn. The FAKE McFly sneaker as seen on eBay is nothing more than a Fisher-Price toy. If sneaker fans want the McFlys, sign my petition.”

Just Sign It.

(previously)

(via geekologie)

When Tupac was 19, he was hired as a back-up dancer for Digital Underground. Whoopee. When the Tact Records crew was 19, they were serving in the Israel Defense Forces. If American rappers are pissed off, just imagine what these guys must feel like. Israel’s most popular rapper, Subliminal (MySpace profile here), is known as the creator of “Zionist hip hop.” Tamer Nafar, founder of hip hop group DAM (“Da Arabic MCs”), is an Arab-Israeli. They used to be friends who believed that hip hop could unite the world. Take a wild guess what happened with there.

Read about their falling out over at Guilt and Pleasure.

(link)

Remember that sick move Michael Jackson used to do? You know the one: where he’d lean way forward but never fall because he was such a good dancer? Remember all those times you tried to do it and kept falling on your ass? Well guess what: not only did you never have a chance of doing it right, but if you were trying to do it after October 26, 1993, you may have been breaking the law.

(link – via kottke)

You can do a lot of things to a dog: pet it, feed it, maybe take it for a walk or something. I guess you could conceivably put it to work, maybe attach a plow to it or something. There’s a lot of options there.

Or alternatively, I guess you could put a horse mask on it. Or dress it up like a pig. Or, umm… put a leaf on its head. Or write “2005” on some oranges and put the oranges in its mouth, then balance some more oranges on its head. Or put a doll head in its mouth. Hey, you know what? Fuck it. Why don’t you put some fake eyelashes on it? There are so many great things you can do to a dog that I never would have thought of. Thanks, internet.

(link – via metafilter)

Remember when you figured out that Kraftwerk’s “Metropolis” is the exact same speed as Prince’s “Little Red Corvette?” Too late – some kid in Sweden already did that like two years ago. Screw a bunch of “mashups” anyway – it’s time to take it to the next level. While you were sitting in a swivel chair failing miserably at mixing Lil Jon with R.E.M., some dude named Matthew at Pottymouth.org was sitting in an even darker room than you were. He sat there for a long time staring at the wall for hours, thinking about how mashups are stupid. He made a snack. All of the sudden the wall-mounted CD rack right above him broke and all of his Pixies CDs fell on his head. Then it hit him. No – not “Caribou.” The future of mashups. The trail has been blazed. Thanks, Matt.

Matthew’s Celebrity Pixies Tribute (via metafilter)

Today I stumbled across a short movie on Atom Films called “Game Over.” Good stuff.

PES, the guy who made it, has all kinds of other stop-action goodness on his website. Try out “Roof Sex” for a crash course in awesome. “KaBoom!” shreds so hard that it will melt your face off and you won’t even really mind. You owe him your face for making such sweet shit and letting you watch it for free.

Those clever little monkeys found a way around my gmail spam filter!  How did they do it?  Simple.  With the greatest subject line of all time.

Only close personal friends send emails with subject lines like this one.  This is some seriously cordial shit.  If the robot that sent me this email knew my cat’s name, it would’ve been in there.  This is the kind of spam that makes people weep.  It touches you personally, which is noteworthy because it’s not really coming from a person.  It comes from a robot.  That’s why it was so weird to get this spam message with the greatest subject line of all time.

“Hi… Squash-Vine Borer.”

How did that robot know that I routinely bore squash vines?  There must be some weird NSA conspiracy shit going on here, because I seriously bore squash vines all the fucking time.  Good call, robot.

That bit at the end though – you know… all that “fellow emigrant master key heart shell three-eared worm-tongued serpent moss metal-piercing lizard bronze soul-sapping land rail bull-horn” stuff – might have been a bit off, but hey, one for two ain’t bad.