Thumbelina is the world’s smallest horse. I don’t know what else to say about her.

(via smallist – a blog dedicated to all things small)

(edit: Thumbelina has her own website!)

Whether you are an avid collector of sex scandal memorabilia or just a regular guy in need of a used massage table, you’re going to have a hell of a time passing up this eBay auction. The fact that Mike Jones will autograph the table on request is the icing on the cake – particularly if you collect male homosexual prostitute autographs. Which you know you do.

Reminded me of an awesome article in Harpers that I read a while back.

(via bb)

It’s the best way to take it, man. If you swallow it you lose too much of it in your digestive system. If you hoop it, it goes straight into your bloodstream, dude. Yeeeeeahhhhh.

(via vintage ads – more radium-related insanity here)

Last night Jo bought two toys out of a vending machine while we were leaving the worst Chinese buffet I’ve ever eaten at. One of them was an alligator with like a surfboard or something, and the other one was even dumber – some weird little red thing with a broom and a bag and a stupid hat on. Now that I’ve looked at it for a little while, I guess maybe it’s a witch or something. I was about to throw it across the parking lot (because that’s what you do with stupid toys when you can’t figure out what they are) when it hit me: the thing looks exactly like Marty Feldman.

Weird!

Some dude killed 2 clowns.

It happens to everyone once in a while: there you are, clutching a bloody hammer after beating your wife, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law to death. You’re in big trouble, mister! You know what you have to do before the cops get there, but do you really think you can do yourself in the same way you just brutally murdered those three women? Try it out – ouch! That smarts, eh? What’s that? You can’t think of any other ways to commit suicide? Uh oh – you hear those sirens? Better think fast! Don’t worry, little guy – I’ve got a few ideas. It might be too late for Daryoush Ebrahimi, but here’s some suggestions for the rest of ya’ll.

– drowning yourself in a bathtub

– eat, go swimming immediately afterward

– shoot yourself in the face with a shotgun

– watch video of baby seals getting clubbed, wait for heart to break

– get depantsed in gym class, die of embarrassment (note: must actually attend some sort of gym class)

– pills, pills, more pills

– dress up like a bird egg, find one of those lizards that eat bird eggs

– hold hammer still, run into it with head

– pretty much any other method

A girl named Alyson Levy (who used to work on Wonder Showzen, apparently) made a short documentary out of footage she shot while visiting a Christian puppet camp. The results will melt your brain. Check it out.

The Hands of God – part 1

The Hands of God – part 2

The Hands of God – part 3

The Hands of God – part 4

My friend Adam has been gracious enough to send me a link to the forward-thinking, convenience-oriented company Wang Ming Company. Do you need a “Plastic Tree”? Maybe some “Industrial Oven Hand Protection”? Looking for a “Family Game”, are you? Don’t sweat it – Wang Ming’s got just what you need, as long as you don’t need anything besides one of those three items.

Things to note: the video in the upper right corner showing how you play “Smack The Lion” (which apparently involves setting your loved ones on fire and throwing them off of buildings), the fact that the “Industrial Oven Hand Protection”‘s item name is “William,” the corporate structure in the Management category, and basically every chunk of text on the entire website. Dear lord.

This has to be fake, but I’m posting it anyway.

(Edit: BoingBoing posted a link to this scarytoyclown post just a few days ago which has a lot more info on Wang Ming and bright orange leederhosen. The post and comments both point to viral marketing on this one.)

Edith Bunker almost got raped.

Weird.

[gv data=”PSlI08-CbrU”][/gv]

Back in September I posted a video of a TV pirating incident from 1987. It features a Max Headroom impostor talking gibberish for a while, pulling out his ass, and getting spanked with a fly swatter. If I had to use just one word to describe it, that’s a no brainer: “awesome.”

No, wait: “shred.”

There was no context for the video, no explanation whatsoever. Go figure – it’s a clip of a local broadcast from two decades ago where some dude pulls out his ass. Can you really expect much background information for that? Could there really be that much more to say about it?

Of course there is. This is the internet, remember?

Click the picture of Max Headroom for the full history of a fairly minor pirating incident from twenty years ago, courtesy of Damn Interesting.