Remember Bao Xishun? The Mongolian herdsman who saved a choking dolphin last year? Well if you’re like me, you’ve been wondering what the world’s tallest man has been up to. Luckily, the always-classy Daily Mail has our answer: Shaking hands with a guy claiming to be the world’s shortest man. He Pingping – who also hails from Inner Mongolia – is only 73 cms tall. Someone named Lin Yih-Chih holds the record at 67.5 cms, apparently, but you know what? A photo op is a photo op.

As much as I love Bao Xishun, I have to admit it: Meeting a guy who claims to be the world’s shortest man while being 6 cm taller than the current record holder is no dolphin rescue.

Like a lot of people, Jeff Dutton saw Better Off Dead back in the 80s. He saw John Cusack hit rock bottom, meet a French foreign exchange student who taught him to believe in himself, and then inexplicably win a race down the K-12 on one ski. More importantly though, Jeff Dutton saw Lane Meyer’s ’67 Camaro. Years later, in September of 2001, Dutton decided he wanted to own it. BetterOffDeadCamaro.com was born.

Hypocritical Ross: Do you remember the first time you saw Better Off Dead?

Jeff Dutton: My first car was a rusty 1969 Camaro that I bought in 1980. I did a lot of work on it, and that car got me hooked on early Camaros. About six years after I bought that 1969 Camaro, my college roommate rented Better Off Dead on video. When I saw the black 1967 Camaro in that film, I remember thinking to myself, “Wow. I like the 67’s just as much as the 69’s. I’ll have to get one of those someday.” Aside from the car, there are many other elements in Better Off Dead that resonated in a big way with me, such as skiing, hating high school, losing a girlfriend, and cringing whenever Mom pulled something out of the oven.

HR: What led up to your decision to actually try to acquire and rebuild the Camaro?

JD: Near the end of 2001, the resources (money and garage space) for a 1967 Camaro of my own finally became available. My first thought was to build a car very similar to the one in Better Off Dead, because I had never seen a 1967 Camaro that I liked better than that car. After watching the film a few times to refresh my memory, I started to wonder where the actual car used in the movie might be. Without a plan in mind, I began searching the internet in hopes of finding clues. All that I could find online were some unanswered questions like, “Does anyone know where that car is these days?” The lack of information on the car made me all the more curious, and I decided to take the next step of contacting people who had worked on the film. After I got a few real clues, I became totally hooked on the search. That was a strange corner to turn, because I had no way of knowing if the car could ever be found. And even if it could be located, an opportunity to buy it seemed very unlikely. Near the start of my search, I imagined the car to be in perfect condition – just the way it looked in the film. As I had conversations with the gentleman who owned the car during the making of Better Off Dead, I realized that the movie history of the car had not been passed on to subsequent owners… the car might look very different after all those years. Restoring the car to its movie configuration seemed like the obvious thing to do if it could be found.

HR: Had you ever gone through this with any other movie cars?

JD: I’ve made a fairly big search to find the orange Ford Falcon from Better Off Dead – the one driven by the Cosell brothers. I’m not having much luck with that one, and it may have been dismantled or crushed by now. Because it was a four-door sedan, it had less chance of survival than the Camaro. I’d like to own a General Lee from the original TV series if the right chance comes along, but I’m not losing any sleep over it.

HR: I have to ask – how much money did all of this cost you?

JD: I’ve been trying to keep the price of the unrestored car confidential, but it was right in line with the value for a “regular” 1967 Camaro with those options back in 2002. The search to find the car was right around $2500, and the restoration total went a little past 55K. I know the restoration number sounds pretty stupid, but that’s actually on the cheap side for a restoration as thorough as this car got.

HR: What is it about rebuilding a movie car that makes it worthwhile to you?

JD: As movie cars go, the Better Off Dead Camaro isn’t very famous. The movie definitely has a cult following, but the Camaro is not the kind of car that gets recognized when you fill it up with gas. When I display the car at a show, I put up a sign that explains its movie history. Occasionally, someone’s eyes light up, and they begin quoting lines from the film and asking questions. It’s rewarding to bring back a happy memory like that. It’s the same happy memory that I have.

HR: Some people would probably say that you’re – I don’t know – maybe a bit off to go through all of that trouble. What would you say to those people?

JD: On my website, I added a way for people to send emails to me. Some people are downright offended by how much time and money I’ve plowed into this effort. That’s okay, because there are many other people who write in to say how much they appreciate my efforts. Everyone has their perspective, and they’re all valid.

HR: If you could do it all over again, would you? Would you say it was worth all the trouble?

JD: It was definitely worth the trouble, and I would do it again. However, I can’t think of another vehicle – or anything for that matter – that would be interesting enough for me to pursue at that level. There’s just something about that Camaro.

You can read more about Jeff and his epic quest to own the Better Off Dead Camaro at BetterOffDeadCamaro.com.

So I’m driving in my car¹ and I’m thinking to myself, “Hey, you know what? You haven’t really done a Thing That Rules or a Thing That Sucks in a while. Maybe you should get on that.” Easy enough in principle, but what do you do when nothing particularly shitty (or awesome) comes to mind? You can’t just pluck something that sucks (or rules) right out of the ether! You have to notice something, process it, and then actually come up with something – ideally something entertaining – to say about it. Sure, I could look out the window right now, see a tree, and be like “You know what? That tree sucks. Look at it out there, blowing around in the wind. Look at those shitty leaves. Oh, wow – they’re green. How… pedestrian.” And yeah, the tree outside my window does kind of suck, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would make a good Thing That Sucks.

So I was sitting there in traffic, trying to cull something from the dregs of my brain that might be noteworthy. Something amazing or something truly awful. I would’ve taken anything, really, but I kept coming up blank. Nothing. Zilch. Then just at the moment when I was ready to give up, I drove over a dead skunk that was smeared all over the road. The smell came wafting in all at once, and I squinted my eyes, rolled up my window, and thought to myself “Well whatdya know? Serendipity rules.”

On a similar note, dead skunks suck.

¹ It’s been bumming me out that a good chunk of my anecdotes lately have revolved around stuff that I’ve seen while stuck rush hour traffic. Traffic is unequivocally the most boring thing in the entire world. The fact that I manage to find even marginally noteworthy things to blather about while stuck in it is either a testament to my keen powers of observation or proof that I’m living an unbelievably mundane life. I’m pretty sure I know which one it is, too. I’ll give you a hint: I often eat lunch at the Corner Bakery twice within the same week.

(edit: as karmic retribution for this post, this morning found me stuck in gridlock on a stretch of highway where a truck full of pig guts spilled its cargo on July 1. The road is still visibly greasy and the smell is still unbearable.)

Back in March, the internet was getting a little stagnant. After years of development and innovation, it seemed that things had finally started to slow down. Then May came along and some dude put up a website called whiteglovetracking.com. Allowing users to draw a yellow box around Michael Jackson’s white glove in every single individual frame of a video of him performing Billy Jean, whiteglovetracking.com revolutionized everything. Now you can totally watch a video of Michael Jackson performing Billy Jean with a yellow box around his glove. Super.

For some reason, if you do a google image search for “realdoll” (you know – these things (way NSFW)) Hypocritical Mass is the first hit. I’m pretty sure it’s because of this post, but still – I’m getting a disturbing amount of web traffic from people searching for pictures of $6000 fuck dolls. Weird.

On a similar note, here’s a 46-minute-long documentary about Real Dolls and the owners that love them. NSFW again… unless you work in the Real Doll factory, I guess.

Then watch this video of horses playing with balls! No, seriously. Do it right now.

We all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are small and cause no harm. Other times those mistakes are huge and egregious and kill a ton of people.

Then there are the ones that fall somewhere in between forgetting to add fabric softener and, oh, I don’t know… genocide. Mistakes that are big enough to make it onto the local news but still small enough for us to laugh at. These aren’t veterans, and they aren’t firefighters, and they didn’t rescue anyone from the collapsing twin towers. These are ordinary Joe Schmoes, regular folks like you or I who just so happened to mistake peacocks for vampires and acid for wine. With that being said, and with the reverence of yesterday’s Independence Day celebrations still fresh in our heads, I’d like to take some time to honor some of America’s most undervalued heroes: complete morons.

– Man Mistakes Peacock For Vampire

– Man Mistakes Bales Of Pine Straw For Dead Woman, Gives Them CPR

– Man Mistakes Neighbor’s Porn DVD For Woman’s Cries For Help, Tries to Rescue Her With A Sword

– Man Mistakes Onion Story For Reality

– Man Mistakes Acid For Wine, Dies

– Man Mistakes His Life For A Game Of Grand Theft Auto

BENNIFER JENNEROUS.

This is pretty much the best thing ever… as long as you have the sound on. If you don’t it’s completely worthless.

Turtles
the future of america.

Rocking Out!
awwwww.

The Octapult
can you be “into” kinetic sculptures? i think i’m “into” them.

Rock Cats
just like people!

Microsoft Surface Parody
nailed.

Singing Tesla Coil
science is cool.

Menomena – Rotten Hell
slow motion food fights… also cool.

Daft Hands
you have to give this one a second.