I Don’t Want A Second Life (Part 3)
Thursday January 12th 2006, 5:19 pm
Filed under: second life

I was sitting on my actual couch in my actual living room watching a Kelly Clarkson video on MTV, when all of the sudden it hit me: I should not be doing this. I should be doing something proactive, something that means something. I should participate in the beautiful cycle of creation and destruction, darkness and lightness and rising and falling and golly… it’s like a dance, isn’t it? I walked to the bay windows in my apartment and watched the cars go by. A plastic bag caught a gust of wind and soared majestically through the ether. I thought about Baudelaire and made a promise to myself: I will look up Baudelaire and find out who he is. Then I sat down in my swivel chair, logged in, and started looking around. Luckily, it didn’t take long to find the object of my desire.

since you've been gone...

That’s right. A giant TV playing a Kelly Clarkson video.
Second Life is weird. Aside from the fact that you can fly, it mirrors regular life pretty closely. People have jobs. People have friends and enemies. People own cars and different clothes and there is money and an economy and blah blah blah. There are even people in the game who have turned it into a full time job, making actual money in real life from their in-game exploits. I would imagine that these in-game responsibilities could be stressful, especially if there is real money involved. Maybe that’s why somebody decided to make Darklife, a role playing game built INSIDE OF Second Life.

she's got a level 14 rack.

Are you a 45 year old male programmer who’s lost that “spark” in your life? Why not spice things up? Here’s what you do: download Second Life and make a female character. Proceed to get propositioned by other 45 year old programmers for cybersex and open a kissing booth in a mall. Get stressed out by the pressures that all small business owners face. Escape the pressures of virtual kiosk ownership by killing “Swamp Scorpions” in an online RPG within the online RPG you’re already playing. Drink heavily in real life and think about your happy childhood.

i'm crying while i name this image.

Kill that scorpion! Kill it! Whoa! Take it easy – you almost spilled your Big Gulp all over your keyboard!

Feeling more than a little sad after realizing that you can sink even lower than playing an online RPG (try playing one INSIDE another one!), I decided to teleport somewhere to fit my mood. Somewhere quiet and somber where I could do some thinking about life and death and small electronic gadgets that I might like to purchase some day. Somewhere like this.

a moment of silence, please

This is an in-game 9/11 memorial. ‘Nuff said.

you come up with a snide remark for this one.  i'm not touchin' it with a ten footer.

This is pretty standard issue. Nothing weird about it, right? Don’t worry – this is Second Life. Weirdness is never far away.

those cats and dogs were heroes, damnit!

What is that anyway, a Bassett Hound? That seems like an appropriate fireman dog – way less obvious than a Dalmation. We will never forget… the day the lizards used our planes against us. Remember anthropomorphic 9/11. Don’t worry, fallen cats and dogs. We will never forget.

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