Happy New Year, Internet.
Wednesday December 31st 2008, 3:44 pm
Filed under: internet crap

I triple-dog-dare you to party as hard as Michael Anthony of Van Halen tonight.

Don’t do it though. Seriously. You’ll die.

December 29 Is National Give-A-Nerd-A-Bear-Hug Day.
Monday December 29th 2008, 4:35 pm
Filed under: internet crap

I don’t know anything about making CG, or how this fanmade trailer for a fictional “Thundercats” movie was made, but even I can tell it must’ve taken a whole lot of effort.

Who are these people spending tens, even hundreds of hours, making trailers for fictional movie adaptations of beloved morning cartoons from their childhoods? I want to round them all up in a high school gymnasium and give them all bear hugs. If it weren’t for their selfless dedication to giving the rest of the world stuff to waste 2 or 3 minutes looking at on YouTube, I would have no idea what to post on my blog today.

If you see a nerd today, give him a bear hug for me. Seriously.

(via Alex Blaggazine)

If You Still Haven’t Bought Me My Hanukkah Present…
Monday December 22nd 2008, 1:13 pm
Filed under: internet crap

Here’s a hint!

They Don’t Make ‘Em Like This Anymore.
Monday December 22nd 2008, 12:01 pm
Filed under: internet crap

Mannequin has grossed $42 million since its release in 1987. $42 MILLION! That shit is canned bananas.

The basic plot is that Andrew McCarthy makes a mannequin that comes to life, the mannequin helps him become a successful visual merchandiser (department store window maker guy), and then he has sex with her. Her being the mannequin. It’s kind of a weird movie if you really think about, but Kim Cattrall is smokin’ hot in it, so what can you do?

The best thing about the movie Mannequin is probably its “See Also” section on Wikipedia, which includes links to such entries as Agalmatophilia, Pinocchio and Hollywood Montrose. That’s right – the gay guy from Mannequin has his own Wikipedia entry. I’d really like to find the guy who created that entry and give him a good shake.

Okay… according to the page’s history, the Hollywood Montrose page was started by a Wikipedia user named AntonioMartin, who lists Mannequin as one of his favorite movies. Think about that for a second: that means that someone who is actively writing and editing Wikipedia entries considers Mannequin one of their favorite movies. Next time you’re writing a term paper and you turn to Wikipedia for information, try to remember that.

PS – she does that weird little genie move at 0:22 because she’s supposed to be from ancient Egypt or something. Hot MESS does this movie blow.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other.
Friday December 19th 2008, 11:33 am
Filed under: internet crap

See if you can spot it. Think of it as a really shitty ‘Where’s Waldo’ book. One where everyone is pretzels and Waldo is a sexy hirsute merman.

The Wunder Boner.
Thursday December 18th 2008, 12:38 pm
Filed under: internet crap

I’m only posting this because I think this is a really valuable tool for any fishermen out there who might read HM. It just seems like a really great product!

Hyperinflation Is Hilarious.
Thursday December 11th 2008, 12:05 pm
Filed under: internet crap

Is there anything funnier than hyperinflation? It’s like, “Hey – look at all this money I have!” and then the other guy’s like “Actually, that’s not really that much.” And then the other guy’s like, “But I have a 100 BILLION DOLLAR BILL!” and the other guy’s like, “Yeah? Well guess what – a loaf of bread costs 100 billion dollars.” Then the other guy’s like, “Well, okay – I guess I’ll take one loaf of bread, please.”

Then the other guy’s like, “What are you, retarded? This is Zimbabwe – we don’t HAVE any fucking bread.”

Come to think of it, hyperinflation isn’t really that funny.

This Guy Sucks At Driving Drunk While Masturbating (At 120 MPH).
Tuesday December 09th 2008, 11:52 am
Filed under: internet crap

Seriously. It’s not that hard.

I Have Won Many Fights.
Monday December 08th 2008, 12:30 pm
Filed under: internet crap

Trust me – these guys know what they’re talking about.