Tax Time.
Saturday March 31st 2007, 2:33 pm
Filed under: unicorns

Check out the last adjustment in the list.

What if part of your income comes from persecuting people as a Nazi? Do you get a deduction for that? Do they charge you MORE taxes? What if you had Nazi business expenses in 2006? Any accountants out there?

(note: I have no category for nazis or taxes, and I’m sure as hell not creating one since I will hopefully never post anything about either of those topics ever again. As such, I have filed this under “unicorns.”)

The Apocolypse Is Nigh.
Friday March 30th 2007, 11:36 am
Filed under: bizarre,news

If this happened to me I would be really pissed. Then terrified. Then pissed again.

Video here.

Slime Moulds Are Gay Homos In The Dominican Republic.
Thursday March 29th 2007, 2:14 pm
Filed under: brain exploders,internet crap,stupidity

I decided to look up some information about slime moulds. It turns out that, in addition to being fascinating protists, they are also “gay homos.”

Does the scientific community know about this yet?

(jpg for posterity’s sake)

Notes on Skyscraper.
Wednesday March 28th 2007, 10:09 am
Filed under: guides,movies,things that suck

The Movie: Skyscraper
The Star: Anna Nicole Smith
The Outtakes: Awesome

11:44 pm

The idea that Anna Nicole Smith could ever pilot a helicopter is completely fucking preposterous.

11:46 pm

I wonder who the hottest female helicopter pilot of all time was in real life?

11:47 pm

Apparently Anna Nicole was an Associate Producer on this movie. Is that why it exists?

11:50 pm

Is there a “D” list? Are these “D” list actors? When do they stop being “actors” on a “list” and start just being “dudes”? At any rate, there are a lot of explosions going on right now.

11:52 pm

Why are uzis always the “bad guy” guns? Just once I’d like to see a movie where the good guys get the uzis.

11:53 pm

So far the action sequences in this movie have been disappointingly good.

11:55 pm

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have bare Anna Nicole tits! Over!

11:56 pm

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have really awkward simulated sex! Over!

12:01 am

Basic plot so far: Anna Nicole is a helicopter pilot, and her cop boyfriend doesn’t want to have a baby. Also, there are all these other guys with bazookas and uzis who are killing each other and blowing up each others’ cars over a briefcase full of something important. Also, Anna Nicole Smith has ridiculously huge tits.

12:07 am

I’m pretty sure most of the actors in this movie have also been in pornos.

12:11 am

Someone add this to the “Memorable Quotes” section of Skyscraper’s IMDB page: “I’m gonna shove your teeth so far down your skinny little throat you’ll be shitting molars for a month!”

12:15 am

Two people have already fallen off of buildings. Maybe that’s why they called it Skyscraper.

12:17 am

Yet another quote for the IMDB page: “Don’t move, or I’ll put a bullet up your ass so far you’ll be pissing out your nose!”

12:24 am

Do terrorists always wear leather pants?

12:35 am

This movie sucks.

12:40 am

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have Anna Nicole tits! Over!

12:41 am

Eagle to nest! Eagle to nest! We have really awkward simulated sex! Over!

12:56 am

This movie did NOT need a Shakespeare-quoting villain. It was already plenty smart.

12:59 am

When in doubt, throw in some more bazookas.

1:14 am

Despite all the snarky comments, I’ve gotta hand it to the people who made this film – it’s definitely about an hour and a half long and it totally has lines of dialogue.

1:18 am

Those credits mean I get to go to bed now, right?

The Animaris Rhinoceros.
Tuesday March 27th 2007, 2:25 pm
Filed under: art,brain exploders,things that rule

Pop quiz.

You’re a brilliant physicist at some goofy university when all of a sudden you come to the crushing conclusion that you are sick of academia. What do you do?

If you’re Theo Jansen, you hunker down and get to work on “creating a new life-form.” You call them “Beach Animals.” Then you put one on the internet, and a bunch of people way less smart than you are link to it. Then all of their brains asplode.

Be sure to watch the video at the bottom of the thing walking. Then please tell me what the hell it is.

(link – via your daily awesome)

Three Wishes.
Tuesday March 27th 2007, 9:51 am
Filed under: interviews

A few weeks ago I went to a mall and asked a bunch of people what they would wish for if they had three wishes. Here’s a bit of the audio I collected, edited together and set to thought-provoking instrumental music. Because that’s what you’re supposed to set things like this to… right?


A Very, Very Small Horse.
Monday March 26th 2007, 11:57 am
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,internet crap

Thumbelina is the world’s smallest horse. I don’t know what else to say about her.

(via smallist – a blog dedicated to all things small)

(edit: Thumbelina has her own website!)

Video Roundup.
Friday March 23rd 2007, 11:57 am
Filed under: internet crap,videos

Fargo In 5 Seconds
the dude who made this made a ton of ’em. they’re all kinda sweet.

Giant Robot Dinosaurs
slow moving awkward robotic dinosaurs make me terrified and slightly uncomfortable.

Dancing Baby Elephant plays harmonica
pure unadulterated internet.

I Heart Huckabees Lily Tomlin/David O. Russell Fight
dude is pissed.

50 people singing 50 cent. yowza.

Sand Castle Explosions Backwards
this is epic.

this is retarded.

Bjork – Triumph of a Heart
kablooie your brain blow ahp.

Yet Another Post About Junior.
Thursday March 22nd 2007, 10:30 pm
Filed under: brain exploders,movies,stupidity

I can’t believe it either. A third post about what may very well be the crappiest movie ever made. Once this is done, I will have officially spent more time thinking about this film than any of the people involved in its production.

I was thinking about those soundboards – you know, the ones that were really funny a few years ago. They always took samples from the classics (T2, Commando, Kindergarten Cop), but for some reason Junior was grossly underrepresented. Why might that be? It’s chock-full of great clips!

I’m not gonna put one together or anything (that would be an absolutely outrageous waste of time – the movie is WAY too stupid to deserve such attention), but here’s a little montage with a few of the possibilities.


And with that, let us never speak of Junior ever again.

(edit: for some reason the mp3 is playing back way too slow, but you know what? I am not putting any more time, effort, or thought into a movie about Arnold Schwarzenegger having a baby.)

It’s A Crazy World.
Thursday March 22nd 2007, 4:40 pm
Filed under: brain exploders,news

A kid who grew up across the street from me just got busted for growing $2 million worth of weed in his apartment. I haven’t seen him since we were in 4th grade. One time we were playing TurboGrafx-16 and his grandpa busted into the room and started beating the living shit out of him, so I went home.

We were playing Splatterhouse.

Here’s his MySpace profile – note the url. Very subtle, Tony.