Things That Rule: Accidental Mash-Ups.
Monday January 29th 2007, 2:31 pm
Filed under: internet crap,music,things that suck,videos

Earlier today I opened up a YouTube video called “In My Language” – a fascinating look at autism and how we define language. Then a friend of mine sent me a link to a music video called “Why Must I Cry” – a fascinating look at how some really shitty rapper sings in the shower. I opened it while the other one was playing in another window and hey, guess what? They go together really well! Accidental Mash-Ups rule! Hit play on both of them below and find out for yourself!

[gv data=”e7ZBOj7xr9k”][/gv]

[gv data=”JnylM1hI2jc”][/gv]

Have You Seen Idiocracy Yet?
Friday January 26th 2007, 2:49 pm
Filed under: books,internet crap,stupidity

It begins.

(via andreaharner via kottke)

Battle Of The Brush: Part 2.
Friday January 26th 2007, 1:10 pm
Filed under: stupidity,things that suck

 You’re probably tired. For that I apologize – it wasn’t really fair of me to keep you up all night, tossing and turning in your bed, wondering if I bought a new hairbrush or continued to use the one that I dropped in the toilet. It was a difficult decision, believe me. One that took time and careful consideration. Ultimately, I think I made the right choice.

I went to Walgreens and shelled out 3 dollars for a new hairbrush.

I know the poll results said I should suck it up and deal, but I was at Walgreens anyway buying rechargeable batteries and the thing was only 3 bucks. If you still think I blew it, I put together a little photo gallery to convince you otherwise. I’m confident that by the time you get to the end of it, you’ll agree that I made the right decision. My old brush was a piece of shit. My new brush, on the other hand, is a work of fucking art. Check it out.

The whole experience reminded me of a great conversation I had once about fishing stuff out of the toilet, which I will post now in the form of yet another poll. Cuz hey – polls are fun, right?


For All Your Plastic Tree, Industrial Oven Hand Protection, And Family Game Needs.
Thursday January 25th 2007, 5:50 pm
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,internet crap

 My friend Adam has been gracious enough to send me a link to the forward-thinking, convenience-oriented company Wang Ming Company. Do you need a “Plastic Tree”? Maybe some “Industrial Oven Hand Protection”? Looking for a “Family Game”, are you? Don’t sweat it – Wang Ming’s got just what you need, as long as you don’t need anything besides one of those three items.

Things to note: the video in the upper right corner showing how you play “Smack The Lion” (which apparently involves setting your loved ones on fire and throwing them off of buildings), the fact that the “Industrial Oven Hand Protection”‘s item name is “William,” the corporate structure in the Management category, and basically every chunk of text on the entire website. Dear lord.

This has to be fake, but I’m posting it anyway.

(Edit: BoingBoing posted a link to this scarytoyclown post just a few days ago which has a lot more info on Wang Ming and bright orange leederhosen. The post and comments both point to viral marketing on this one.)

Things That Suck: Dropping Something In The Toilet.
Thursday January 25th 2007, 1:15 pm
Filed under: things that suck

 Ever hear those statistics about how there is actually less bacteria in your toilet than there is in your kitchen sink? That’s great and everything, but c’mon. It’s a toilet. You poo and pee in there, so no matter what the scientists tell you, toilets will always be… well… kind of yucky, you know? But even though it totally sucks to drop something in the toilet (a hair brush, your glasses, etc), it’s probably good for you to a certain extent. It forces you to assess just how disgusting you really think toilets are. Look down in the bowl. That’s your brush in there! What are you gonna do, just let it sit in there? The longer it sits the grosser it is, so you better either get your ass in gear or resign yourself to buying a new brush. What’s it gonna be? Just how “yuck” do you really think toilet water is? C’mon. Even though you poo and pee in there all the time, it’s not like there’s any poo or pee in there now. It’s just water, right? Time to make a move! It’s been floating in there for a solid 4 or 5 seconds now! Do or die! Make a move! Reach into the toilet and grab that brush!

Eww! Toilet water!

Here’s the tricky part: contact lenses and toothbrushes are no-brainer throw-aways, but what about a hairbrush? I have a hairbrush in my sink right now that was in my toilet for a few seconds. No poo or pee – just water. What should I do? It’s an old and (pun unavoidable) shitty brush, but do I really want to throw it away just because it floated in my relatively clean toilet for a few seconds? What if I wash it with hot water? I barely brush my hair anyway, so this really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, but still… I don’t know… I guess it’s kind of gross. Whenever I brush my hair I’ll definitely think about the fact that it was in the toilet for a few seconds. Still… bah! I just don’t know! Dropping something in the toilet sucks!


One Time On TV…
Monday January 22nd 2007, 4:16 pm
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,internet crap,stupidity,tv

Edith Bunker almost got raped.


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New Article Up On Cracked.com.
Thursday January 18th 2007, 9:05 am
Filed under: internet crap,music,photoshop fun

An updated and expanded version of “Cliffs Notes on Mystikal’s Pussy Crook” is up today at Cracked.com (direct link). It looks awesome – check it out.

Spam Is Weird.
Wednesday January 17th 2007, 7:57 pm
Filed under: internet crap,spam,stupidity,technology

Video Roundup: “I’m Sick Of The Internet” Edition
Wednesday January 17th 2007, 3:09 pm
Filed under: videos

Sorry for the lack of posts in the post-holiday season so far, but I’ve been kind of busy… drinking Jameson and watching Lost, mostly. I’m kind of sick of the internet lately, to be honest. This is a really bad thing for someone who maintains a blog dedicated, during bouts of laziness, to posting links to stupid shit on the internet. Despite all of this, I’ve managed to find the energy to, you know, watch some YouTube videos. Wow. Pathetic.

211,000 people have viewed this video because they typed “fuck” into YouTube and it’s the first thing that comes up. watch it 3 times in a row for maximum effectiveness.

Matt & Kim – Lightspeed
this is too cute not to like.

Mr. Cool Ice
he’s real.

Windows Sounds On A Keyboard
this guy will die alone.

My Extreme Piano
money well spent.

Live Action Pac-Man
japanese people are weird.

Waking The Cavaver – Chased Through The Woods
i drunk-emailed myself a link to this. it’s stupid and amazing.

Ernst & Young – motivation song “Oh Happy Day!”
so gay it MUST be european.

Tickle Me Elmo on Fire
this makes me uncomfortable.

Furby In A Microwave
kinda goes with the elmo one in the sense that it also makes me uncomfortable.

Lindsey Butler Must Die.
Thursday January 11th 2007, 12:09 pm
Filed under: brain exploders,internet crap,stupidity

 A while back I posted something called “Inside Jokes That You’re On The Outside Of.” I don’t spend very much time with teenage girls these days, so I just kind of made that one up as I went along, remembering what teenage girls’ inside jokes were like as best I could. Guess what? I totally fucking nailed it.

Featuring brain bombs like “Ya know who’s good at calculus? Your car!” and “Ah, mint….CATNIP?!” all helpfully attributed (Mr. Bremer and Chris Passovoy respectively) and occasionally explained (the mint catnip quote is a reference to dessert served at Lindsey’s prom), Lindsey Butler’s site is not meant to be viewed by people like you or I. No – to people like us, these quotes mean absolutely nothing. It’s like catching a snippet of two strangers’ conversation on the street, only those two strangers are teenage girls. Oh – and they’re retarded.

Click the pic and prepare to be… well… mostly just kind of annoyed, I guess.