Let’s play a game.
Thursday January 12th 2006, 11:30 am
Filed under: tattoos

It’s called “Good Tattoo, Bad Tattoo.” Let’s start.

nu metal forever, dude.

Korn saved my life, bro. This way I’ll never forget that. The signatures were traced off a t-shirt I got at the mall. If my dad sees it he’ll beat the fucking shit out of me, but fuck it – I’m totally gonna move out soon anyway. When I’m sixteen i’m gonna get legally emancipated and then I’ll get an apartment where I can do whatever the fuck I want and listen to Korn as loud as I want and nobody can say shit about it. Fuck, I gotta go. Meet me in the parking lot at Taco Bell later… we can pop some adderalls and go light a fire in the park.

holy fucking shit.

I don’t have anything snide to say about this because it’s the best tattoo I’ve ever seen. Seriously. The babe is smokin’ and gameboys are cool. I’d like it if maybe tetris was on the screen or something, but whatever. Maybe if there were flames in the background or there were like some skeleton hands PLAYING the gameboy that could make it better, but it’s pretty much fine the way it is. This tattoo rules.

I Don’t Want A Second Life (Part 2)
Saturday January 07th 2006, 5:40 pm
Filed under: second life

When I told my girlfriend Jo that I was going to ironically sign up for an MMORPG, she scoffed. “Yeah, right,” she said. “See ya in a month.” I tried to tell her that no, she had it all wrong. No! This was going to be hilarious! An MMORPG! Ha! I really felt (and still do feel, to a certain extent) that there was no way I was going to get sucked in and end up playing in earnest. And yet here I am now, three or four days later, kind of speeding through this blog so I can log back on. That’s probably a bad sign, but it’s easy to rationalize away as an inclination to do “more research.”I also mentioned the game to my friend Leif, an avid MMORPG player with a particular penchant for Final Fantasy Online (parenthetical footnote: I interviewed him once about Final Fantasy – check it out here.)

“Yeah dude, it’s pretty cool. Everything in the game is created by players in the game, so it’s pretty much anything goes,” I said.

“Oh, cool. So it’s like The Sims Online, but actually fun,” he said.

“Yeah. It’s like The Sims Online, but with porn.”

Speaking of porn, Wired featured an article recently on the phenomenon of in-game porn (link). Seems that a couple of in-game entrepeneurs took it upon themselves to create a porno mag in the game by hiring female players in the game (or players who claim to be female, anyway) to pose for pictures, then created a porno mag object in the game which they are now selling. Not that I’m personally interested or anything… I’m just saying, you know, it exists… cough.

So anyway, I told Leif that I had been playing the game a bit. I’ve expressed vehemently anti-MMO sentiments to him in the past, so I had to qualify it for him.

“Yeah, I’ve been playing it a little,” I told him. “I wanna make fun of it on my blog.”

“Man,” he replied. “Making fun of MMORPGs… on your blog.”


But enough pussyfooting around. Let’s get into it already.


I hate the redeye.
Friday January 06th 2006, 10:01 am
Filed under: news

The Chicago Redeye is a consistently awful paper (if you can call it that), but I think they’ve outdone themselves with today’s headline. I wonder how long it took them to come up with this gem:

this is a bunch of crap.
Thursday January 05th 2006, 12:46 pm
Filed under: news,rants

According to a study in Canada, it can be beneficial to give homeless alcoholics a free glass of wine EVERY HOUR between 7:00 am and 10:00 pm. That’s 16 drinks a day. According to Jeff Turnbull, one of the authors of the study, “Once the craziness of their alcoholism is under control, their wasted lives on the street turned around, they’re interesting people and all that destructive behavior is behind them.” Fair enough.

But while Canada is footing the bill to keep the homeless wasted enough to behave, the bobbies over in London are super pissed at Kate Moss regarding her… ahem… alleged cocaine use.

I don’t want to live in a world where we give our homeless free booze but punish our supermodels for snorting cocaine.  I always sort of figured blow was like a tax write-off for models. Is the problem that cocaine is like CHEATING for models? Like cocaine is to modeling as steroids are to baseball? I guess I don’t understand the modeling industry very well. The way I see it, if we should give homeless people sixteen free glasses of wine a day, then we should give supermodels a free gram of coke a day too.

I Don’t Want A Second Life (part 1)
Wednesday January 04th 2006, 10:01 pm
Filed under: second life

I play a lot of video games. I like to shoot nazis and monsters and sometimes just regular people. I’ve been Tony Hawk and the God of War, all with potato chip crumbs falling onto my sweatpants.

I really like Katamari Damacy too. Like… a lot.

But there’s a whole batch of games that I’ve always made a conscious effort to avoid: RPGs. I played an early Final Fantasy game a few years ago that totally sucked me in, which is what they’re supposed to do, and for a couple of weeks that was all I did. I like games where you shoot stuff because you shoot stuff for a little while and then you go do something else. You can play Katamari Damacy and roll stuff up for just a little while. That’s how the game is meant to be played. Katamari Damacy isn’t supposed to be an immersive experience that supplements (or REPLACES) your actual life. Games like Final Fantasy Online tend to play a much bigger role in their players’ lives for extended periods of time, and that part of the reason why I’ve avoided them for so long: I’m absolutely petrified of getting sucked in.

Another reason I’ve avoided them for so long is that I think magic is kind of gay. Spells, wizards, tunics, potions… none of that really does much for me, and they are all cornerstones of the RPG universe. I’m not into mutton or mana.

So maybe that’s why Second Life piqued my interest – an online RPG mostly devoid of magic and mutton. I’m not totally clear on what the point is of the game yet, but that’s never particularly rigid in games like these. It seems like you can pretty much do whatever you want. There’s a complex in-game economy and people are willing to pay game money for a lot of stuff, so I guess you can conceivably do whatever the hell you want as long as people are willing to pay you for it (if you want to make money in the game at all). You can buy land and build on it, so you could run a business or something. You can create objects in the game and sell them to other players. Or, if you’re like me, you don’t really care about any of that crap. If you’re like me, you’re interested because the game is completely fucking free.


my new favorite animated gif.
Wednesday January 04th 2006, 11:45 am
Filed under: internet crap

I wish I had something more to say, but it’s tough to follow an act like that.

cough into your god damned sleeve.
Tuesday January 03rd 2006, 2:57 pm
Filed under: rants

I was at a coffeeshop a little while ago buying some juice and a bagel with cream cheese. I went there mostly for the juice because I’m sick like an animal over here and I figured the vitamins and all that crap might be good for me. So I’m sitting there at the coffeeshop waiting for my bagel and sort of staring blankly in the general direction of the cashier, when all of the sudden she starts coughing. My eyes snapped into focus and I saw something very ordinary, very everyday.

The cashier was coughing into her sleeve.

It took me a few minutes to fully grasp the significance. I sniffled a few times, and felt my temples throb (assumedly with mucus, or some other kind of sickness-related fluid I don’t know about), and then it hit me. Yeah, it’s not particularly attractive to cough all over your shirt, but it’s probably worse to do it all over your hands, right? You don’t grab door knobs and handrails with the crook of your arm, do you? This makes sense. Cough into your god damned sleeve. I turned to my roommate with my epiphany.

“That’s such a good fucking idea!” I said.


“Coughing into your sleeve.”

“Yeah. It’s a food service thing.”

So apparently the food service sector has been hip to this for a while. A quick google search shows that the health sector are also aware of the benefits of sleeve coughing. So when the hell is this gonna catch on with the business casual crowd? Nobody at the office wants to get sick, but everybody comes to work sick and coughs all over their hands and grabs everything in sight and then BAM! Here I am with a brutal cold.

The moral of the story is this: cough into your god damned sleeve.