The Visible Taco.
I am choosing to break weeks of silence for what I feel is a noble cause: to show you quite possibly the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Last Friday when I was waiting at Taco Bell for my chalupas, I noticed something back in the kitchen on top of the nacho station. I had an idea of what it was but couldn’t really believe what I was seeing. I was going to ask one of the employees about it, but there were people waiting in line behind me and I didn’t want to make a big scene. I figured I’d be able to find a picture of it on the internet, but guess what? Multiple searches on Google Images and Flickr turned up absolutely zilch.
I knew then what I had to do: return to Taco Bell the following Monday with a digital camera. Here is the result:
Do you see that thing on top of the “nacho hutch” (my term)? Right in the center? Here’s a closer look:
Uhh… yeah. You’ve heard of the Visible Man before?
That is a Visible Taco.
So many questions! For starters, what about every other item on the menu, almost all of which are more complicated? What about the Grilled Stuft Burrito? What about Nachos Bellgrande? What about Mexican Pizza?! The Visible Taco is a good place to start, but on its own its completely worthless.
Seriously, though – can somebody please tell me why this exists?
Only In Chicago.
There was a time in the not-so-distant past when Chicago was the meat capital of the world. Those days are over, but there are still a few stragglers around if you know where to look for them.
Yesterday we were hanging out at a bar, minding our own business, when we noticed a guy in the corner wearing a butcher’s outfit with a huge package of sausages tucked under his arm. He went around the bar from table to table, asking if people wanted any meat. It sort of seemed like some kind of weird performance art for a minute, but we soon realized the guy was dead serious and had a refrigerated truck parked outside. Some drunk guy held a bag over his head and started chanting “20 DOLLARS OF MEAT!” Within a half hour we had 20 bucks out on the table, and a few minutes after that it was gone, replaced by – surprise, surprise – a huge bag of meat.
There was also a menu in the bag, which I’d like to share with you. Of the 48 products listed below, 20 contain references to buttholes. Also of note: “Hot And Creamy Sex Candles,” a Monica Lewinsky joke, and something called “GI Joe’s Candyass Salsa Whoopass Wimpy!” Oh – and a “Sausage Emergency Number.” Ya’ll ready for this?
I’ll Be (Hitting It From The) Back.
Apologies for the lousy headline, but I was so excited to get a link up to these pictures of Terminators boning each other that I just couldn’t help myself.
Many more here. The binary code under the photos contains secret messages, too (if you’re bored enough to convert it).
It’s Not Funny, It’s Tragic.
There is absolutely nothing funny about two news helicopters crashing into each other while filming a police chase. Nope. Nothing funny about that at all. What kind of sick fuck are you, anyway?
Not funny. Tragic.
All The Joys Of Being At Work While Riding Your Bike.
I guess I can add a 7th entry to my March entry “Six Stupid Bikes.” Ladies & gentlemen, I give you the Office Chair Bike.
Comes complete with helmet, rear-view mirror, and a letter addressed to your mother explaining why you still aren’t married yet.
He Just Can’t Help Himself.
Direct Source Inc has a warehouse chock-full of random crap, and guess what? They want to sell it to you! Do you need a Portable Cap Closet? Maybe a pair of Potato Peeling Gloves? Two different outfits for your dog? Good news: Direct Source Inc has it all, plus more! Be sure to click the pictures for the full views. For example:
This Just In: World’s Tallest Man Meets Fairly Short Man For No Reason Whatsoever, Shakes His Hand In Front Of Photographers.
Remember Bao Xishun? The Mongolian herdsman who saved a choking dolphin last year? Well if you’re like me, you’ve been wondering what the world’s tallest man has been up to. Luckily, the always-classy Daily Mail has our answer: Shaking hands with a guy claiming to be the world’s shortest man. He Pingping – who also hails from Inner Mongolia – is only 73 cms tall. Someone named Lin Yih-Chih holds the record at 67.5 cms, apparently, but you know what? A photo op is a photo op.
As much as I love Bao Xishun, I have to admit it: Meeting a guy who claims to be the world’s shortest man while being 6 cm taller than the current record holder is no dolphin rescue.
Overheard In Glenview.
Teenager #1: If your car gets towed out of a private lot, is that a federal crime?
Teenager #2: I have no idea.