Don’t Ask Why I Was Reading The Wikipedia Entry For Sears, Roebuck and Company…
Tuesday May 22nd 2007, 12:37 am
Filed under: brain exploders,facts,tv

but John Walsh‘s son was abducted from a Sears in Florida in 1981 and was subsequently murdered. I wonder if that inspired him to host America’s Most Wanted.

Shut Up, Internet.
Monday April 30th 2007, 10:21 am
Filed under: consumer action,internet crap,rants,tv

Thakelt10 missed the point pretty spectacularly in his 1-star review of the Criterion Collection DVD release of Fishing With John. For the uninitiated, here’s the wikipedia entry for it. This clip of Tom Waits putting a fish down his pants pretty much sums it up, too. Here’s Amazon.com user Thakelt10’s brilliant advice on the subject:

Perhaps even more astounding are the 3 out of 9 people who found his review helpful.

The internet is chock full of gems like these. Everyone has a voice on the internet if they want one, and as such anyone can feel free to opine on almost astonishingly ridiculous crap (case in point here). Wanna know know the real deal about Brawny paper towels? No problem. Can’t decide if that 9 dollar plunger is the right one for you? Some guy named “Eduardo Nietzsche” from Houston has you covered. Trim the fat off of Amazon and you get Yelp.com, whose motto, “Real People. Real Reviews,” makes it fertile ground for unintentional hilarity. Take, for instance, this review of a gas station in Glenview, Illinois. Let me repeat that: it’s a review of a gas station.

User-generated content is great and all, but maybe we can draw the line at reviews of gas stations and plungers. I don’t need advice when it comes to gas stations and plungers. If I need gas, I’ll find a gas station. I don’t care if it’s not “one of the better gas stations in the area.” If I need a plunger, I’ll buy one. If I somehow manage to break it (which I’ve never done before), I’ll buy a new one. It’s a plunger. I understand that you have things to say about the products you purchase and the gas stations you feel passionate about, but enough is enough.

Shut up, internet.

The Internet Is Full Of Idiots And Pictures Of Cats.
Monday March 19th 2007, 2:41 pm
Filed under: internet crap,stupidity,tv

Last week I posted a video to this weird little website someone told me about called YouTube. I put up a video of a late night tv show just so I could link to it and call it stupid, but it turns out that this YouTube thing is pretty popular and people actually look at the videos posted there – even if they’re not linked to them from this site! Weird, huh? Today the video got its first comment, which made some very interesting points:

Luckily, just when I was thinking to myself “the internet is fucking retarded,” someone sent me a link to I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and now everything is back to normal.

I could also watch twittervision for days, even though I don’t understand it at all.

The Dumbest Game Show Ever.
Monday March 12th 2007, 9:56 am
Filed under: brain exploders,internet crap,stupidity,tv

[gv data=”k-EVl7Z7bHY”][/gv]

New Article Up On Cracked.com
Monday February 26th 2007, 10:58 am
Filed under: internet crap,stupidity,tv,videos,writing

Calling it an “article” might be pushing it, but “The 7 Most Insane Moments from Cable Access TV” is up on Cracked.com today. Check it out.


One Time On TV…
Monday January 22nd 2007, 4:16 pm
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,internet crap,stupidity,tv

Edith Bunker almost got raped.


[gv data=”PSlI08-CbrU”][/gv]

The Internet Knows Everything About Everything (Except Why People Cry, Which It Can Never Comprehend).
Tuesday January 09th 2007, 11:33 am
Filed under: bizarre,internet crap,media,things that rule,tv,videos

 Back in September I posted a video of a TV pirating incident from 1987. It features a Max Headroom impostor talking gibberish for a while, pulling out his ass, and getting spanked with a fly swatter. If I had to use just one word to describe it, that’s a no brainer: “awesome.”

No, wait: “shred.”

There was no context for the video, no explanation whatsoever. Go figure – it’s a clip of a local broadcast from two decades ago where some dude pulls out his ass. Can you really expect much background information for that? Could there really be that much more to say about it?

Of course there is. This is the internet, remember?

Click the picture of Max Headroom for the full history of a fairly minor pirating incident from twenty years ago, courtesy of Damn Interesting.

Let’s Paint And Exercise TV!
Wednesday August 02nd 2006, 9:33 am
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,internet crap,things that rule,tv,videos

[gv data=”TAjn3bKZqAw”][/gv]More here, here, and here. Brain seriously completely asploded.

(via metafilter)

Things That Suck: So You Think You Can Dance.
Thursday June 29th 2006, 9:19 am
Filed under: things that suck,tv

work itHere’s a concept: let’s make a show where people who think they can dance try to dance. On national television. Then, after they’re done dancing, “experts” tell them whether or not they’re actually good at dancing. Oh – then, after that, the people who are good at dancing will stay on the show and compete with each other to find out who the best dancer is! Isn’t that a great idea? Yeah – it’s called an “audition.” It’s what they used to do before the actual show was filmed to find people with talent and stage presence. You know – to figure out if they’d be good ON TELEVISION. Now the audition IS the show. Oh – and the show is two hours long. Super. The worst part of it is that as it goes on and they weed out the people who really suck at dancing, the show actually gets less entertaining. Why not give each contestant their own episode where they dance for as long as they can until they collapse? Whoever’s episode is the longest wins!  That would be awesome!  I’d totally watch that, but for now, sorry FOX: So You Think You Can Dance totally sucks.

Your Brain Is About To Explode.
Friday April 28th 2006, 10:43 am
Filed under: media,things that rule,tv

holy crap.

Meet the Fuccon family. They’re just like any other TV family, except for one fairly significant detail: they’re mannequins.

According to the website, “Oh! Mikey” is “the story of a three-mannequin American family who has moved to Japan.” They’ve released a DVD set with English subtitles, which I need more than anything on Earth right now. You know why? Because this show is one of the most mind-bendingly bizarre awesome things I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Seriously. When are American TV producers going to wake up and realize that making people eat bugs and ox testicles isn’t really that cool anymore? I’ll tell you when – as soon as they see this show. Someone was gracious enough to throw a nice 35 minute chunk of it online. Check it out – so unbelievably awesome your brain is going to explode and then the chunks will melt and you won’t even care because at least you’ll be watching “Oh! Mikey!”

link (via TV in Japan)