The Future Of Gaming.
Thursday July 19th 2007, 10:22 am
Filed under: bizarre,internet crap,video games

Video game developers: take notes on Rose & Camellia. Your industry needs to realize that you don’t need fancy graphics or a huge development budget to make a great game. You don’t need fantastical creatures with highly detailed 3D models and textures, or realistically rendered explosions, or even an immersive storyline to make a great game. You don’t need rocket launchers or magical powers or addictive multiplayer modes. Apparently, all you really need to make a great game is have two chicks slapping the living crap out of each other. I had no idea.

(via geekologie)

Dialogue Spoken To My Character In The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess Last Night At A Small Cafe In Castle Town That Made Me Think “Wow, Maybe I Should Stop Playing Video Games.”
Friday March 09th 2007, 11:04 am
Filed under: video games

– “You, too, should visit the fortune-teller like she says. That’s just so much fun!”

– “If you want to get to the bar, use the southern thoroughfare. Swordsmen like yourself tend to gather there.”

– “The entrance to the viewing platform is on the side of this cafe. I heard that Gorons have been selling their wares there lately. ”

– “People who have a lot of leisure time make better, more sincere listeners than those who are busily scurrying about. The more relaxed a person is, the nicer he or she becomes, that’s what I’ve found.”

– “Oh, sightseeing? Or on business?”

The Geekiest Thing I’ve Ever Posted.
Thursday August 17th 2006, 9:48 am
Filed under: internet crap,video games

Sometimes I just can’t help myself. Every once in a while I have to let my hair down, and this morning is one of those times. So hey, dorks: turn off TV On The Radio (you know you don’t even really like them anyway), put down the Bukowski (hip lit is a fucking oxymoron) and just chill. Oh – and then listen to a bunch of really shitty video game voiceovers at Audio Atrocities. Through a combination of bad English and selecting programmers and secretaries as voice talent, video game companies have managed to produce some of the most unbelievably awful dialogue I’ve ever heard, and I’ve seen Zardoz, so that says something. Check out Last Alert and Deep Fear and you’ll see what I mean. But be warned: if you laugh at any of this shit, even just a little, you probably won’t score for a long, long time.

24 Hour Tetris People.
Wednesday August 16th 2006, 11:50 am
Filed under: bizarre,video games

So you think you like video games? You like to sit down, maybe play a few rounds of Tekken with your bros? Well guess what: you’re a fucking lightweight. Some dude (painfully translated page) decided for some ungodly reason to play Tetris DS for 24 straight hours. He even played it in the bathtub. What would that be like? To hear him tell it, not particularly pleasant. “The finger it is painful, the eye it is painful, the throat it dried.” That’s at like 5 hours in. There is clearly no god in Japan; only small electronics and sleep deprivation. Oh – and vending machines where you can buy soiled panties. You know what? This really isn’t that weird.

(via dsfanboy)

Video Roundup.
Monday August 14th 2006, 10:21 am
Filed under: internet crap,video games

80s Snake Drug PSA
this really perpetuates a lot of negative stereotypes about drug dealers.

Japanese Game Show – Tongue Twisters and Crotch Shots
kinda like family feud, only a completely different game with a bunch of japanese dudes getting hit in the nuts.

F4 Phantom Jet Atomizes
whoever made this video without putting “Rock You Like A Hurricane” in the background really blew it.

Traffic Pole vs. Truck

Eugene Mirman – Sexpert
cuz Eugene Mirman fucking rules.

Polysics – I My Me Mine
they’re like weird robots sent back in time to teach us all how to rock. that or a serious devo throwback. you decide.

Darth Vader Being A Smartass
star wars humor on the internet? now i’ve seen everything.

Loose Tires
much like shitting your pants, this happens to everyone at least once.

Weird Water Drops Strobe Light Experiment
if you, like, tape pictures to your ceiling fan… and then you look at ’em in the strobe… man…. it’s like… whoa…. it’s like you’re watching a movie, man…

Schaefer Beer Commercial
consider that beer sold, my friend.

High Score: The Movie.
Monday March 20th 2006, 1:27 pm
Filed under: movies,video games

Awesome.Jeremy Mack’s documentary High Score won the Emerging Visions award at SXSW this year. Judging by the trailer, it looks geektacularly sweet. Add it to your I-totally-wanna-see-that list in the #2 slot, right under Snakes On A Plane.

edit: A guy named Roy Shildt held the top score for “tournament” mode (there’s also a “marathon” mode record) as of 2004. Here’s his website.