I’ll Be (Hitting It From The) Back.
Friday August 03rd 2007, 3:14 pm
Filed under: bizarre,brain exploders,movies,technology,things that rule

Apologies for the lousy headline, but I was so excited to get a link up to these pictures of Terminators boning each other that I just couldn’t help myself.

Many more here. The binary code under the photos contains secret messages, too (if you’re bored enough to convert it).

(via geekologie)

Things That Rule: Serendipity.
Tuesday July 10th 2007, 3:56 pm
Filed under: things that rule,things that suck

So I’m driving in my car1 and I’m thinking to myself, “Hey, you know what? You haven’t really done a Thing That Rules or a Thing That Sucks in a while. Maybe you should get on that.” Easy enough in principle, but what do you do when nothing particularly shitty (or awesome) comes to mind? You can’t just pluck something that sucks (or rules) right out of the ether! You have to notice something, process it, and then actually come up with something – ideally something entertaining – to say about it. Sure, I could look out the window right now, see a tree, and be like “You know what? That tree sucks. Look at it out there, blowing around in the wind. Look at those shitty leaves. Oh, wow – they’re green. How… pedestrian.” And yeah, the tree outside my window does kind of suck, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would make a good Thing That Sucks.

So I was sitting there in traffic, trying to cull something from the dregs of my brain that might be noteworthy. Something amazing or something truly awful. I would’ve taken anything, really, but I kept coming up blank. Nothing. Zilch. Then just at the moment when I was ready to give up, I drove over a dead skunk that was smeared all over the road. The smell came wafting in all at once, and I squinted my eyes, rolled up my window, and thought to myself “Well whatdya know? Serendipity rules.”

On a similar note, dead skunks suck.

1 It’s been bumming me out that a good chunk of my anecdotes lately have revolved around stuff that I’ve seen while stuck rush hour traffic. Traffic is unequivocally the most boring thing in the entire world. The fact that I manage to find even marginally noteworthy things to blather about while stuck in it is either a testament to my keen powers of observation or proof that I’m living an unbelievably mundane life. I’m pretty sure I know which one it is, too. I’ll give you a hint: I often eat lunch at the Corner Bakery twice within the same week.

(edit: as karmic retribution for this post, this morning found me stuck in gridlock on a stretch of highway where a truck full of pig guts spilled its cargo on July 1. The road is still visibly greasy and the smell is still unbearable.)

Bummed Out Cuz It’s Monday?
Monday July 09th 2007, 9:57 am
Filed under: brain exploders,internet crap,things that rule,videos

Then watch this video of horses playing with balls! No, seriously. Do it right now.

You Make Me Touch Your Hands For Stupid Reasons.
Monday July 02nd 2007, 1:39 pm
Filed under: brain exploders,internet crap,things that rule

This is pretty much the best thing ever… as long as you have the sound on. If you don’t it’s completely worthless.

What The Cashier At Logan Square Pantry Drew.
Friday June 08th 2007, 10:15 am
Filed under: art,things that rule

Me (pointing at drawing on counter): Did you draw that?
Cashier (smiling): Sí. Playboy.
Me: Can I have it?
Cashier (confused): ¿Sí?

Things That (Still) Rule: Great White Sharks.
Friday June 01st 2007, 10:38 am
Filed under: facts,things that rule,videos

If you think back to your childhood, you may remember a brief (or extended) period of shark obsession. It was probably around the same time that you were obsessed with stealth bombers, dinosaurs, and He-Man. A lot has changed since those days, and certain things have lost their luster over time. Stealth bombers are a joke, dinosaurs are too remote a fantasy (for most of us), and, well, let’s face it – He-Man was kind of gay. But even though most of our childhood daydreams have been quashed, at least we’ve got something that’s still unequivocally sweet.

[gv data=”eYbCMdR38us”][/gv]

Why do kids love sharks? Because they’re totally badass! In case you’ve forgotten how sweet great whites are, Planet Earth went out in the ocean for an entire month with one of those cameras they use for filming automobile crash tests. After all that time, they finally managed to grab literally ONE SECOND of footage of a great white totally destroying a seal. What that one second of footage revealed when viewed in ultra-slow motion was nothing short of a scientific breakthrough. It’s pretty technical and there’s a lot of jargon involved – you know how these marine biologists are – but let me sum it up for you in layman’s terms: great white sharks totally fucking rule.

Things That Rule: Nonsensical “Calvin Pissing” Stickers.
Tuesday May 15th 2007, 8:01 pm
Filed under: stupidity,things that rule

I think you missed the point, guy. The whole “Calvin Pissing” thing kind of loses its luster when Calvin is just… well… hmm. How can I put this? He’s supposed to be pissing on something. That’s the deal. You can’t just throw a Pissing Calvin on your minivan and expect people to think you’re a badass. Even if you throw two of them on there on either side of your Toyota symbol it’s not gonna do anything. Are you leaving it open-ended until you figure out what you hate? Do you hate your Toyota and the Calvin is supposed to be pissing on its logo? If so, what’s the other one doing there? Is he just backing dude up? You haven’t thought this through at all, have you? You saw other people with stickers on their cars and you were like “Hmm – I guess I should put some stickers on my car, too. Well congrats – you now have stickers on your car and they don’t make any sense. And yet still, somehow, your nonsensical Calvin Pissing stickers rule. How about that?

Things That Rule: Buying A Lighter.
Friday May 11th 2007, 10:31 am
Filed under: things that rule

 Lighters are good for all kinds of things. Lighting stuff on fire, popping open beer bottles… umm… hmm. Let me start over.

Lighters are good for exactly two things. I can never seem to hold on to one for very long, but I think I’ve finally figured out why: I never actually buy them.

There’s always a lighter coming your way if you can wait long enough. Maybe it’ll be in the couch cushions. Maybe it’ll be under the couch. Maybe it’ll be at a friends house and you’ll be like “whose lighter is this?” and nobody will respond and then BAM – new lighter. Other than those weird Zippo people, lighters don’t really mean much to anyone. They come and go. Big deal.

But sometimes you might have to wait a little longer than you thought. Sometimes you end up spending a little more time than you’d like to asking people for a light, or using matches, or rubbing two sticks together because you know that paying a dollar for a lighter is ridiculous. You know if you just wait a little longer, just a little longer, that magical free lighter is gonna drop out of the sky and you’ll be good to go for another few months until you lose it again.

If you have never been a smoker, none of this means anything to you, does it?

Waiting around for a free lighter is great and everything, but sometimes you have to be more proactive. Sometimes you have to grab life by the horns, walk into 7-Eleven and say “One lighter, please.” Then the guy behind the counter will say “Which one you want?” and you’ll say “I don’t know… the cheapest one,” and he’ll say, “You want a mini?” and you’ll say “No – the cheapest full-size one,” and he’ll hold up a plain blue Bic and be like “This one?” and you’ll be like “Yeah, that’s fine.” You’ll be a dollar poorer, but it won’t matter. You’ll have your own lighter, one that you actually paid for, and you know what?

You’re totally not gonna lose it this time.

Buying a lighter rules.

This Just In: Stoned Cop Accidentally Ruins His Own Life.
Thursday May 10th 2007, 3:20 pm
Filed under: bizarre,news,stupidity,things that rule

Ever wonder what it might sound like if a cop ate a shitload of really potent pot brownies, got so stoned he became convinced that he and his wife were both dying, then called 911 for an ambulance? Wonder no more!


More info available here, although I have no idea what more information you could possibly need on this one.

(via mefi)

Oh, The Humanity… In 3D!
Thursday April 26th 2007, 11:42 am
Filed under: art,bizarre,old timey stuff,things that rule

See, this is what I love about the internet. You’re just sitting there, minding your own business, and then someone says “check this out.” Next thing you know you’re looking through a gallery of stereoscopic images of zeppelin crashes. Personal favorite here.

(via mefi)